Double Entendres

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flick5848

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Some of the finest double entendres on British TV & Radio


MICHAEL Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer
for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold
out there, they're rubbing each other and he's just come in his shorts."


Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny
Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to
use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."


MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen
Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."


JACK Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World
Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he
wished he had a hard on now."


Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on
This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed
last night."


WINNING Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's
formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what
he sees."


ROSS King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well
Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."


CRICKETER Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire
match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands
he just tossed it off.


CLAIR Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's
nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."


JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What
does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"


STEVE Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today
after a 69."


THE new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath
away..."My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."


CARENZA Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live
said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."


A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed
and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that
eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave
the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!


US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is
playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his
balls and kisses them .... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"


Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven
Dicks on the field."


Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that
nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the
Oxford crew."


Ted Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I
once rode her mother."


New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl
Gibson comes inside of him."


Pat Glenn- Weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from
Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"
 
:lol: seen some before , others not :lol:
 
England vs the West Indies at the Oval, 1991. Ian Botham had got himself out by knocking over his own stumps. Then bad light stopped play. Jonathan Agnew and Brian Johnston were filling the time with replays of the match. Watching a replay of Botham's dismissal, Aggers came up with:

"Well, he didn't quite get his leg over, did he?"

Johnners tried to continue talking normally, but only succeeded for about 10 to 20 seconds; then laughed so much he was unable to speak.
 
"The batsman's Holding; the bowler's Willey."

Shame it was never actually said. Just an urban myth.
 
More classics from Johnners:
- "Neil Harvey's at slip, with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle."
- "You've come over at a very appropriate time; Ray Illingworth has just relieved himself at the pavilion end."

And a good one from Wendy Toms, the first woman to referee a professional football match (in the UK at least):
- "If the players want to make it hard for me, I am happy to make it twice as hard for them."
 
lol, brilliant :clap:

Anyone else remember Scott Mills gaff on radio one when discussing a competition and asked Chappers who he would most like to come in the bottom with out of all the radio one presenters ? I nearly crashed the van ........... in fact, I still have the podcast somewhere as I downloaded it when I got home !
 
StewartR said:
"The batsman's Holding; the bowler's Willey."

Shame it was never actually said. Just an urban myth.
Click to expand...
Are you sure it's a myth, I'm sure I've heard it for real.:shrug:
 
Anyone remember VIZ with Finbarr Saunders ?

Some classic Finbarr photography related entendres?

When talking of his wife's antique camera, a man says "I've spent many a hot afternoon with my face under her hood, flicking away at that button, trying to make those leathery old flaps open up."

When talking of his picture printing apparatus he says "I've got a small Johnson, but it can enlarge to nigh on a foot when it is turned on in a darkened room"

When demonstrating how easy it is to take off the lens he says "A few quick twists of the wrist and it comes off in a couple of seconds... Mind you I haven't had it off in ages, so it was very stiff this morning"

When talking about taking pictures of people he passes on the street, he says "I often startle passers-by when I suddenly pull it out of my trousers and it goes off in their eyes."

When describing the lamp in his darkroom he says "Mine's quite large and glows red at the top" :lol:
 
Love em :thumbs:

nilagin said:
Are you sure it's a myth, I'm sure I've heard it for real.:shrug:
Click to expand...

I'm definatley sure I've heard it before also, dont think its a myth.
 
True or not true, heard before or not, I still enjoyed reading these and having a right good chortle! :lol:
 
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