Domestic Violence

just to say what every onelese has well done you .. the start of a new you
 
What an amazingly brave person ... I wish you all the luck in the world :clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap:
 
Well done Alison - if anyone deserves to enjoy that meal and many more safe and sound it is you.

Superb news - and well done you for being so brave, and for being 100 times stronger than the sad excuse for a human being who was doing it. I hope, as Wail says, you have an awesome and very bright future.

Keep togging too! :thumbs:
 
Too many quotes to quote but I’ve read every single post and thank you all so much for your kind messages :) I have to say that my neighbours and the Police have also been brilliant and helped a great deal.

I’ve had the most fabulous day and hope that you have too. The simplest things have made me smile. I feel so happy and fortunate.

Off to bed now with the dawg and two boxes of treats – Thornton’s Continental for me, Tesco mini bone selection for Ginger. And a hot water bottle each. Heaven! :D

Nighty night and wishing you sweet dreams,
Alison x
 
Alison said:
Too many quotes to quote but I’ve read every single post and thank you all so much for your kind messages :) I have to say that my neighbours and the Police have also been brilliant and helped a great deal.

I’ve had the most fabulous day and hope that you have too. The simplest things have made me smile. I feel so happy and fortunate.

Off to bed now with the dawg and two boxes of treats – Thornton’s Continental for me, Tesco mini bone selection for Ginger. And a hot water bottle each. Heaven! :D

Nighty night and wishing you sweet dreams,
Alison x
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:banana::banana:Go you

Superb stuff:thumbs:
 
Just seen this for the first time and am really choked, Alison great news, I'm glad you had the courage to get out of a situation noone should ever need to experience. I really hope your new found lease for life continues and you can remain safe and happy. Wishing you all the best for the future.
 
Great news Alison, im really happy for you
 
Alison said:
Too many quotes to quote but I’ve read every single post and thank you all so much for your kind messages :) I have to say that my neighbours and the Police have also been brilliant and helped a great deal.

I’ve had the most fabulous day and hope that you have too. The simplest things have made me smile. I feel so happy and fortunate.

Off to bed now with the dawg and two boxes of treats – Thornton’s Continental for me, Tesco mini bone selection for Ginger. And a hot water bottle each. Heaven! :D

Nighty night and wishing you sweet dreams,
Alison x
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Great stuff. I hope this is the begining of a very happy and safe future for you. x
 
I'm sure that the police will already have said this to you, but have you changed the locks and installed CCTV (or at least a door viewer?)
I hope that improved security won't be needed but safety comes first... And if you can't do the work yourself I'm sure that there are members in your area who would be happy to help.
 
You must get help and talk to someone; I know it's a hard step to take, believe me I've been there after being emotionally and mentally abused for 4 years but once you take that first step it feels like a rock has been lifted and that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Women's Aid are fantastic and even your GP will be able to offer advice and support; please do not suffer this alone and just think about taking that first step and asking for help. Sending you massive hugs and hope you are doing ok today.
 
welshgirl21 said:
You must get help and talk to someone; I know it's a hard step to take, believe me I've been there after being emotionally and mentally abused for 4 years but once you take that first step it feels like a rock has been lifted and that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Women's Aid are fantastic and even your GP will be able to offer advice and support; please do not suffer this alone and just think about taking that first step and asking for help. Sending you massive hugs and hope you are doing ok today.
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You need to read the whole thread, she has sought advice and is now safe.
 
I never use to get really thumped or kicked but I did get pushed around by one bf, pushed into doors, wardrobes pulled down near me, threatening to break mine and my other families legs, verbal abuse shouted at me a nats **** from my face. I called the cops on him the day the wardrobe was pulled down near me. Haven't seen him since. Its obvious that you have reached that stage where you're ready to do something about it. I can only suggest that you get in touch with authorities that can help you. What you must remember, is that if he really loved you from the bottom of his heart he wouldn't lay a finger on you. Ever.

Apologies, just read the rest of the thread, glad to hear you're safe x
 
Garry Edwards said:
I'm sure that the police will already have said this to you, but have you changed the locks and installed CCTV (or at least a door viewer?)
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No Garry, they haven’t. I was going to say far from it but that would be a bit unfair as all bar one experience with the Police throughout all of this has been fantastic. I live in a very remote rural village where crime is virtually unknown. As far as I know the last logged complaint was in 1957 when the village stocks had been vandalised.

Early on Monday evening the Police alerted me to the fact that he’d discharged himself from hospital – where he was awaiting a second medic’s signature for sectioning – and even called round at my house to check that I was ok. Fantastic service, way above and beyond the call of duty and I was impressed. They were fearful for my safety and told me to dial 999 immediately if he turned up and definitely not open the door (as if I would!) before they arrived.

At 10.20pm the knock came. I’d expected him to kick the door in/smash a window and had already alerted all of my near neighbours who were on standby. But he didn’t. I stalled for time and after what seemed like an eternity (in reality it was 25 minutes) the Police arrived.

The violence during the previous 48 hours was unprecedented. When it came to the point where I realised I could no longer cope alone I phoned one of his friends to come and help me; a burly strapping lad who, I imagine, has believed the “she drove me to it” lies of the past 5 years. To say that his eyes were opened would be an understatement. For the next 12 hours we were both subjected to actual physical and attempted sexual assaults. The dog escaped both but it was a close call only avoided by putting ourselves in the firing line to deflect attention.

Anyway, cutting to the chase, this was a matter of record as far as the Police were concerned. They’d taken statements from his friend (and another, who arrived to help the next morning – also violently assaulted) and myself.

What really ragged me was the attitude of the WPC who attended in response to my 999 call.

Me: “I won’t open the door unless I’m convinced that you’ve got him restrained”.
She: “Don’t be so stupid and paranoid. Nothing wrong with him at all – see him chatting to my colleague. Seems like a really nice guy”.
Me: “Have you read the incident reports? Surely you realise that he’s more than a little unhinged and might cut my throat in the blink of an eye”
She: “Yes, I’ve seen the reports but the hospital were ok for him to discharge himself so as far as I’m concerned he’s well. Stop being silly and give me his car keys.”
Me: “I was promised that if I dialled 999 you’d be here in a matter of minutes. It’s been ages. How come it took you so long?”.
She: “I didn’t deem it a priority and in any case, we were changing shifts. Things get delayed”.

Go figure :shrug:

As things stand he’s now been detained under Section 2 of the Mental Health Act which, in theory, gives me 28 days of sanctuary. In reality there’ll doubtless be a shortage of bed space and he’ll be deemed well enough to be discharged early for the purposes of expediency.

The joyous feeling of liberation I’m experiencing whilst I know he’s safely under lock and key is more fabulous than I can say and I intend to enjoy every single moment to the full. Regrettably, this time is limited so I’d better whoop it up while I can!

Never a large lady by any means but I’ve always had a huge appetite for food and an aversion to exercise. Eating particularly well at the moment but I’m astonished to see how far my weight has plummeted since Sunday. I’ve not actually weighed myself as I don’t have scales but my clothes are just falling off me and I look skeletal (as opposed to slim/thin/slender which is usual). Must be down to stress as I’m eating loads. If anyone could give me some nutritional pointers they’d be very gratefully received. I need to be physically well to deal with this situation.

Togging a wedding with Betty tomorrow in Nottingham which will be great fun; bride, groom and families are lovely people. Dee and me will be in fits of giggles, as usual, and hopefully get some great shots along the way. The weather forecast is promising.

In the event that anyone might be interested, I’ll keep you posted,
Alison x
 
Then I'm sorry to have to say this, but it seems to me that you have 28 days to find somewhere else to live, hopefully temporarily.

You could though ask the police to help you with one of their alarms, which alerts them directly by radio to the local station if triggered, on the basis that they'll respond more quickly to that than to a 999 call. But in a rural location it can still take a long time for them to arrive when they really try, so that may not be good enough. We live in a rural area and the police take an average of 30 minutes to turn up when our neighbours have had to dial 999, the 'reason' being that they have to send officers in 4 wheel drive vehicles (not that 4 wheel drives are actually needed). My other half had to phone for help once and they didn't turn up at all. This is in North Yorkshire, hopefully your own police are better but moving out or going to stay with friends might be your safest option.

Edit: As for the police officer, make an official complaint about her. It may help to change her attitude, and even if it doesn't it should make other police officers super efficient if you need to ask them for help again.
 
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Garry Edwards said:
local [/B]station if triggered, on the basis that they'll respond more quickly to that than to a 999 call.
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Garry..unfortunately I would have to disagree with the alarm idea. My reasons are that no more does the alarm connect to the local police station, it goes via an alarm receiving centre who will alert the local police with the unique reference number. A mobile is better for several reasons, but in particular the fact that the call operator can hear what is going on if the person (sadly Alison in this case) can't speak. The audio picked up will obviously also be recorded at the 999 centre and could possibly be used later as evidence. It also gives the officers en-route a better idea of what might be going on in the current incident, as opposed to just receiving a messgae to attend a certain adress. Saying all this I guess if Alison lives in a rural area and there is no mobile phone reception then it is a different ball game. Apologies Alison that I am talking about you in third person!

Alison, my heart goes out to. Unfortunately I deal with Domestic Abuse victims on a daily basis so I have an idea of what you might be experiencing, but only from an outsider perspective. You certainly have done the right thing as hard as what it is. Have you perhaps been referred to an outreach worker to assist you?
 
Hope you and Dee had a great day at the wedding and I'm glad that you're enjoying your new found freedom.

But please do keep us updated. It worries me that this may only be a short term respite.
It sounds like you have friends and neighbours that you can count on - is there somewhere that you can stay or somebody who can stay with you for a while if/when he's discharged?
 
seashaker said:
....I'm glad you had the courage to get out of a situation noone should ever need to experience. I really hope your new found lease for life continues and you can remain safe and happy. Wishing you all the best for the future.
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Not remotely courageous, unfortunately; I'm a complete coward :( If I'd known how difficult this would be I'd never have taken the step. Life at the moment is an absolute nightmare and I can't see that matters will ever improve. As things stand I'll never be able to live in safety in my own home (or anywhere else) ever again. Would've been easier to stick with the hell I was familiar with and wish I had, but there's no going back now.

The wedding last Saturday was good though, a lovely couple and got some great shots which were very well received. Another tomorrow - nice easy job, beautiful location, gorgeous bride and handsome groom. Fingers crossed that the weather is kind.
 
SarahLee said:
Hope you and Dee had a great day at the wedding and I'm glad that you're enjoying your new found freedom.

But please do keep us updated. It worries me that this may only be a short term respite.
It sounds like you have friends and neighbours that you can count on - is there somewhere that you can stay or somebody who can stay with you for a while if/when he's discharged?
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I've got the most fabulous friends and kind neighbours Sarah, all of whom have offered me (and Doggie) sanctuary. We can only be on the run for so long though and in any event, we would be endangering their lives if we went there. In his deluded state he believes that he's had group sex of the rudest kind with most of them. He made some written notes to that effect the other week which I discovered yesterday and will give to the hospital tomorrow.
 
Grayman said:
Garry..unfortunately I would have to disagree with the alarm idea. My reasons are that no more does the alarm connect to the local police station, it goes via an alarm receiving centre who will alert the local police with the unique reference number. A mobile is better for several reasons, but in particular the fact that the call operator can hear what is going on if the person (sadly Alison in this case) can't speak. The audio picked up will obviously also be recorded at the 999 centre and could possibly be used later as evidence. It also gives the officers en-route a better idea of what might be going on in the current incident, as opposed to just receiving a messgae to attend a certain adress. Saying all this I guess if Alison lives in a rural area and there is no mobile phone reception then it is a different ball game. Apologies Alison that I am talking about you in third person!

Alison, my heart goes out to. Unfortunately I deal with Domestic Abuse victims on a daily basis so I have an idea of what you might be experiencing, but only from an outsider perspective. You certainly have done the right thing as hard as what it is. Have you perhaps been referred to an outreach worker to assist you?
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Grayman, with regard to the alarm procedure,that is not the case,having to go through an alarm receiving centre.
Most, if not all police forces have a quantity of portable alarm systems, specifically for people like Alison.
They are a portable unit,which when activated,automatically play an alarm message over the radio channel covering the area where they are installed.The result being all officers will hear that alarm activation,over their personal radio, as soon as it is triggered.
I know in the county I live, they have been used to great effectiveness and have been an effective deterrent when offenders have known about them.
Alison - maybe make enquries about them with your local force - they are called TETRA alarms.

Regards
 
Alison, stick with t and things will improve.
I've had a couple of friends escape from similar and in one case a far worse situation the nyours, use you rfriends, if they are offering help and you have been honest with them they will know the risks and if they are still offering then they are prepeared to take them, I was.
Ok it may mean upheaval and moving away from everyone you know, but beleive me in the end it will be worth and you can keep in touch with old and make new friends
 
david700 said:
Grayman, with regard to the alarm procedure,that is not the case,having to go through an alarm receiving centre.
Most, if not all police forces have a quantity of portable alarm systems, specifically for people like Alison.
They are a portable unit,which when activated,automatically play an alarm message over the radio channel covering the area where they are installed.The result being all officers will hear that alarm activation,over their personal radio, as soon as it is triggered.
I know in the county I live, they have been used to great effectiveness and have been an effective deterrent when offenders have known about them.
Alison - maybe make enquries about them with your local force - they are called TETRA alarms.

Regards
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Certainly not all forces use them, and most certainly my local force doesn't. Surely an activation would have to go through the particular force's control centre as the units would have to be directed by the controller as activations could jam up the officer's airwaves units and systems, as well as all the other policing operational policing issues involved should it not go therough the respective centre.

However, I don't want to digress from Alison's posts, bravery and courage in taking a stand. Irrespective of our opinions on alarms, like David suggested at least inquire about them from your local officers. I have the utmost admiration for you.
 
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