COUNTDOWN 2 ... 10,000 pennies to TALK PHOTOGRAPHY ... COMPETITION ... :-)

V

Venomator

Suspended / Banned
Messages
12,599
Edit My Images
No
Sorry for the slight delay guys 'n gals ... :suspect: ... I know how much you have been anticipating with bated breath the prequel to my earlier > > > COUNTDOWN < < < announcement ... :lol:

Anyway ... the time is now right as you can see left ... :thinking: ...


As I believe I will be the first non-staff / non-admin TP member to pass the 10,000 posts barrier, unless anyone knows better, I am about to press the DONATE button and send 10,000 pennies to our lords and masters at TP HQ ... a small price to pay at 1p per post for the 10,000 posts I hear you say ... :bat:


You can STOP me or you can MAKE me press the little Donate titty ... :shrug:


What I need you to do is post up here any stunningly amazing 'WOW' factor and suitable photograph that makes me really excited and give it 13 out of 10 ...

... or ...

... any extremely funny joke/anecdote/item that actually makes me roflmao out loud ...


THE CATCH ??? ... I hear you all ask deafeningly and in unison ... :rules: ...


GREEN ... of course ... :lol: ...


... in both cases there MUST be a definite GREEN theme to ensure a valid entry into this little competition ...


The coffers of TP are depending on you all to will my digit to press the button ...


Timing ...


... You have until the end of this coming weekend or earlier to make me cry with laughter or silence me into stunned amazement ...


Good luck to you all and may the winner be cursed with the slow drip of ten thousand heavy weight pennies falling onto their foreheads from a great height ... :razz:



But be warned ...



... If there are no entries by closing time or the competition fails to deliver then I will not pass go, I will not make 10,000 posts and I will never darken the doors of TP's Forae ever again ... :woot:








Adios ...


Rog...:p

 
Venomator said:



But be warned ...



... If there are no entries by closing time or the competition fails to deliver then I will not pass go, I will not make 10,000 posts and I will never darken the doors of TP's Forae ever again ... :woot:
Click to expand...

Closing thread :p
 
China is now building about two power stations every week, the top climate change official at the UK Foreign Office, John Ashton, has said. That&#8217;s the thing with Chinese. You have one that seems satisfying but you want another one soon after.
Click to expand...
 
or

Scientists have discovered a way of using eggshells from ordinary chickens to absorb carbon dioxide. This is said to be the first use for them except, of course, for those used by Gordon Brown to tread on.
Click to expand...
 
UNDERSTANDING
FOOD LABELS YOU
MIGHT ENCOUNTER


Free-Range

Animals raised with a free-range lifestyle have plenty of room to stretch out and eat bugs. This is particularly important for chickens, which need at least two square feet of space at all times. Factory-farming conditions are like living in apartment buildings in big cities: a co-op is formed within the coop, and the poultry have grinding meetings on where to put the satellite dish and how much to tip the doorman at Christmas. As in a human co-op, any new members deemed unsatisfactory or weak are pecked to death. Other free-range items, such as tofu, need less room to grow.



Natural

Pretty much everything is natural, including this sentence. What makes it natural? The fact that it has the word "natural." The only things in this store that aren't natural are the highly coifed blonds who shop here. Natural foods include any combination of natural flavorings, natural ingredients, and a high price, since it's human nature to pay more for anything that we imagine will keep us alive forever.



Conventional

Don't let anyone see you buying this, or you'll forever be associated with bridge games, Norman Rockwell paintings, and missionary-style sex in the minivan parked in the cul-de-sac. Conventional says, "I love the system," and we're not even sure why you're shopping here. You don't want paper or plastic&#8212;you have a bag made of the skin of a clubbed infant seal. Oh, you came to grind your own peanut butter? Great. Get your bulk items and go.



Organic Plus

It's not enough that the food is organic: in this case the packaging is also organic, and recyclable, with soy-based dyes and biodegradable ad copy. Organic Plus lets you eat the packaging (unless it's wrapping organic chicken, in which case you are at risk of contracting organic salmonella). Many people mistakenly believe that Organic Plus provides larger portions for some of our hearty eaters, but that is actually Organic Extra Plus, a separate label.



Local

This is food grown by local farmers who dislike you because you're living in the subdivision that used to be prime farmland owned by their grandparents. Local food may be purchased at farm stands, which is where your children will someday be buying pot. If you buy local organic foods, you may skip dinner altogether and ascend directly to heaven, where you'll be greeted by 72 varietals of virgin olive oil.



Wild

Food that has been harvested in the wild should be approached with extreme caution. Do you know where that food has been? Fans of rampion have been seduced by wild varieties and disappeared. Eaters of wild boar have been known to turn on the chef and relentlessly slaughter an entire restaurant until the boar's bones have been found and put to rest. Wild foods found in our store are often riddled with armor-piercing bullets. Remove those before eating!



Marine Stewardship Council (MSC)

This aquatic-foods certification comes from the international governing body of fisheries, located deep within the sunken capital of Atlantis, with additional feedback and low-pitch moans from the whales, the fish, and the merpeople. The application and scoring system are available at the MSC website, but, because of budget constraints, the documents have as yet only been translated into Mer. So far, certification has been somewhat capricious and species-centric: there are very clear regulations for dolphin-safe tuna but no provisions on tuna-safe dolphin.

Boiled down to basics (like a nice bouillabaisse), the certification can be achieved with an affirmative answer to any of the following questions:

1. Is the fishery run in a manner that is biologically sustainable?

2. Is the species harvested by the fishery incredibly ugly?

3. Is the species delicious when lightly grilled?



Toxic

As a word of warning, the Surgeon General recommends you don't eat toxics more than three to four times per week. To qualify for this label, a company must pass rigorous standards for disease, unsafe working conditions, and chemical disasters. Just like smoking, drinking, and spending time with your mother-in-law, toxic foods should be avoided by pregnant women. On the plus side, they are frequently on special.
 
PsiFox said:
Toxic

As a word of warning, the Surgeon General recommends you don't eat toxics more than three to four times per week. To qualify for this label, a company must pass rigorous standards for disease, unsafe working conditions, and chemical disasters. Just like smoking, drinking, and spending time with your mother-in-law, toxic foods should be avoided by pregnant women. On the plus side, they are frequently on special.
Click to expand...


Toxic, as shown in my avatar would be extremely peeved if you tried to eat her
 
oops:)
 
2418853459_b969104c91.jpg


Does that grab ya by the unmentionables and make ya go wow? :D
 
What's green and red and goes 1000 miles an hour?
A frog in a blender.
 
Marcel said:
2418853459_b969104c91.jpg


Does that grab ya by the unmentionables and make ya go wow? :D
Click to expand...

Very nearly Marcel ... :eek: ... but more likely grabbed them and made me go OW ... :naughty:


Actually made me laugh out loud almost to the point of roflmao ... :D ... but the pics are not meant to do that ... :rules: ... :lol:







:p
 
I think I understand the rules... :p

My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.

We discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big ****ing red mark on her forehead.
 
Jamesbuk said:
I think I understand the rules... :p

My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.

We discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big ****ing red mark on her forehead.
Click to expand...

:lol: ... :thumbs:


I am in a better Green mood now ... ;) ... thanx James ... :suspect: ... but keep trying ... :naughty:







:p
 
Understanding Engineers - One

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."
 
Last edited:
Understanding Engineers - Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
 
Last edited:
Understanding Engineers - Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
 
Understanding Engineers - Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
 
Understanding Engineers - Five

The graduate with a science degree asks," Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
 
Understanding Engineers - Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
 
Understanding Engineers - Seven

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
 
Understanding Engineers - Eight

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
 
Or..........


Questions you just cant answer!

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?


Did you ever stop and wonder......

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on......

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?




:shrug:
 
Life in the Australian Army...

Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (For
Those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a smalltown, west of
Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland)




Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil
that the Army is better than workin' on the farm - tell them to
get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a
bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get
outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, *** all ya gotta
do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya
uniform. No bloody cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to
stack - nothin'!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad,
*** there's lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing!

At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo
steaks or possum stew like Mum makes. You don't get fed again
until noon and by that time all the city boys are buggered because
we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to
the windmill in the back paddock!!

This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep
getting medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as
a bloody possum's bum and it don't move and it's not firing back
at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into
their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is
make yourself comfortable and hit the target - it's a piece of
cake!! You don't even load your own cartridges, they comes in
little boxes, and ya don't have to steady yourself against the
rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!

Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real
careful *** they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and
Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do
at home after the muster. Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either
and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only
been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5
and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya
know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought
him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.

I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick
before word gets around how bloody good it is.

Your loving daughter,

Sheila
 
Last edited:

Doggy dictionary

LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.

DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DROOL: A liquid which, when combined with sad eyes, forces humans to give you their food. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and get the drool on the human.

SNIFF: A social custom used to greet other dogs, similar to the human exchange of business cards.

GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards. The person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.

THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.

WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers. It is important to evenly distribute its contents throughout the house before your person comes home.

BATH : If you find something especially good to roll in, humans get jealous, and they use this degrading form of torture to get even. Be sure to shake only when next to a person or a piece of furniture.

LEAN: Every good dog's response to the command 'sit!,' especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.

BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the regular bump doesn't get the attention you require ... especially effective when combined with the sniff. See above.

CHILDREN: Short humans of optimal petting height. Standing close to one assures some good petting. When running, they are good to chase. If they fall down, they are comfortable to sit on.

LOVE: A feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.
 
Two snakeths wandering through the jungle one says's to the other
are we poisonouth?
why? says the other?
I have juthed bit my bloody tongue came the reply


av1479qd.gif
av1479qd.gif
 
2 piles of (green) puke walking down the street.
One turns to the other and says "this is where i was brought up!"
 
Last edited:
Cobra said:
Two snakeths wandering through the jungle one says's to the other
are we poisonouth?
why? says the other?
I have juthed bit my bloody tongue came the reply


av1479qd.gif
av1479qd.gif
Click to expand...


:lol: ... but ...

... Green snakes Cobra = Green theme ... :suspect: ... :nono: ... :rules:








:p
 
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his friend in the (green) jungle....
 
Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees still make fun of it?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top