Controlled crying for 9month baby.

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EYE_ON_ME

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Brendan
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Hi,
Just asking has anyone done this before? Or do you think it's wrong?!

Thanks
 
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Sorry to sound stupid but what is it?

Clarke.
 
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Too young - but then I am a co-sleeping breast feeding hippy :).
 
jomantha said:
Too young - but then I am a co-sleeping breast feeding hippy :).
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She is in my bed every night lol I do not mind. But just wonder what other people did?! :D
 
Well my kids are terrible at going to bed - so I wouldn't take advice from me!
 
EYE_ON_ME said:
How comes you edited your reply? I'm sure you know what it is? as you said you didn't like it?
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Yes but thats because I thought it was something totally different, after Googling it I know what it is now.
 
I don't see the probably even at that age. My child was walking by then, and so I saw no harm in it.
 
I think it very much depends on the child. I have friends who have had success doing it but I have a 10 month old who just gets himself into a state if we leave him so its not an option for us. Yet anyway.
 
Hi Brendan.

We did it at 6 months (son currently 8 months).

Our problems were that he would only ever get to sleep on us even during the day, and would often take 30-40 minutes to get to sleep whilst crying. In the night he would often wake up when you put him in the cot, cue another period of crying...This all made for very tired everyone, especially him and my wife (he would also want feeding every two hours or so including during the night.

We chose 6 months as he had been on solids for a month or so and we thought \ hoped he might also be able to sleep for longer than his previous (and very rare) maximum of 4 hours.

There seem to be different versions of controlled crying, we did the following: solids, bath time, milk, story, put to bed. The put to bed consisted of putting down (he would cry immediately) pat on back for 2 minutes and talk to, then leave him for 5 minutes (we would stay in the room though) then pat for 2 minutes with talking, then leave for 5 then pat for 2 minutes no talking, then leave for 10, pat for 2 and repeat until he sleeps.

First night - 1 hour of crying mixture of pure anger, sobbing etc. At best I would describe this as one of the most guilt ridden horrible hours of my life. Once asleep he stayed asleep til a 10.30 feed and then slept through til around 6.30 the next morning.

Day 2. 20 mins crying. Day3 15 mins crying. Day 4 10 mins crying.
2 months on and he now sometimes falls asleep when crying (we sometimes sing to him instead of the book) but often still cries \ moans for 5-10 minutes, but it more I don't want to sleep crying as opposed to really upset crying.

The one thing I have learned is that different things work for different people.

For us (all of us including our little one) this has worked brilliantly. He is now much happier during the day (he has relatively scheduled day naps as well). Our problem was that once he woke up before he could not get to sleep in the night, he now does, he would only sleep on my wife\me during the day - he now sleeps in his cot.

Good luck - some people hate this and will no doubt think we are devils for doing it - so be it.

My view - our baby cried 30-40 minutes numerous times a day and was unhappy. My wife was exhausted. He now cries a lot less and is a happy baby.

I've probably left something out - if you have any questions fell free to ask!

Once more, good luck!

Al
 
Oh and my sister's 3 month old baby - they have to wake her up to feed her! - I'm sure they think we were making it up!
 
akr said:
Hi Brendan.

We did it at 6 months (son currently 8 months).

Our problems were that he would only ever get to sleep on us even during the day, and would often take 30-40 minutes to get to sleep whilst crying. In the night he would often wake up when you put him in the cot, cue another period of crying...This all made for very tired everyone, especially him and my wife (he would also want feeding every two hours or so including during the night.

We chose 6 months as he had been on solids for a month or so and we thought \ hoped he might also be able to sleep for longer than his previous (and very rare) maximum of 4 hours.

There seem to be different versions of controlled crying, we did the following: solids, bath time, milk, story, put to bed. The put to bed consisted of putting down (he would cry immediately) pat on back for 2 minutes and talk to, then leave him for 5 minutes (we would stay in the room though) then pat for 2 minutes with talking, then leave for 5 then pat for 2 minutes no talking, then leave for 10, pat for 2 and repeat until he sleeps.

First night - 1 hour of crying mixture of pure anger, sobbing etc. At best I would describe this as one of the most guilt ridden horrible hours of my life. Once asleep he stayed asleep til a 10.30 feed and then slept through til around 6.30 the next morning.

Day 2. 20 mins crying. Day3 15 mins crying. Day 4 10 mins crying.
2 months on and he now sometimes falls asleep when crying (we sometimes sing to him instead of the book) but often still cries \ moans for 5-10 minutes, but it more I don't want to sleep crying as opposed to really upset crying.

The one thing I have learned is that different things work for different people.

For us (all of us including our little one) this has worked brilliantly. He is now much happier during the day (he has relatively scheduled day naps as well). Our problem was that once he woke up before he could not get to sleep in the night, he now does, he would only sleep on my wife\me during the day - he now sleeps in his cot.

Good luck - some people hate this and will no doubt think we are devils for doing it - so be it.

My view - our baby cried 30-40 minutes numerous times a day and was unhappy. My wife was exhausted. He now cries a lot less and is a happy baby.

I've probably left something out - if you have any questions fell free to ask!

Once more, good luck!

Al
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Thanks for the reply :) very good info from someone who has tried it.
 
Too young ? Well depends how much you like your sleep and how much your child like their sleep......

We did it or a variation on it at about six months when the children were on solids and basically big enough that they have enough food to get through the night.

It took three nights with my son when who is now nearly three and I think two nights with my daughter who is nine months.

Both are now great sleepers and go through for anything from 10 to 12 hours. I think my son has has maybe 5 nights this year when he's woken during the night, those have all been when he's been ill.

Is the process cruel ? I think it's an awful lot worse letting your kids make do with broken sleep. I know one thing both my kids are very happy and I am pretty sure a lot of that is because they get so much sleep. When we took my son to look at nursery schools when he was two one of the managers saw my little boy and said "I bet he sleeps well".....they said they can tell just by seeing how kids behave. The happy energetic ones are the one's that get a good nights sleep....just like us grown up's.

My wife is a nurse and midwife so did a lot of reading and studying the various methods before deciding what to go with. I don't know the exact routine but I know the children were comforted by touch a lot during the process but not talked to or picked up. It's very hard work for two or three nights (which when you are getting little sleep anyway is a HUGE ask) but it pays massive dividends for both our children and also us so we can be better more energetic parents.

The later you leave it I think the harder it is. I know my son has friends who still wake up once or twice every night...I honestly have no idea how the parents deal with it for nearly three years!
 
If you think it is worth trying then go for it. We did it with our daughter - 1st night - 70 minutes, 2nd night - 15 minutes, 3rd night - 5 minutes. Ever since she has slept like an angel from 7pm till 7am. The only time she doesn't is if she is ill.

Go for it.

Nick
 
I will say, I have tried it, relatively recently, but my son screamed for over 2.5 hours (he is three and a half), it just didnt work for us, it was torturous, they do sleep though and my 19 month old will go to sleep much more easily than her brother does.
 
I must be the only woman on the planet that had to be woke to feed the baby at night , so it would be no issue for me to let a baby cry its self to sleep , i also slept through an earth quake & only woke when it threw my husband out of bed:lol::lol:
 
I'm not lucky enough to be a parent yet but I've been picking stuff up along the way.......

One thing I did learn from a colleague a few years back was this.....

We were having a little "lads" discussion in the office about "private time" frequency. One of the guys said, "well me and the missus don't any more because of the kids", one of the other guys said "but your kids are 5 and 7 years old aren't they? Shouldn't they be in bed by about 7-8pm?"

He said "Yeah but the wake up between 10-11PM for their bottles of milk and scream until they get it" :dummy: :bonk: :shrug:

Now I'm guessing this behaviour was introduced during the time his girls were babies so when I do eventually have kids I'll be very careful not to give in just to get a night or two's sleep and introduce something that'll potentially give me years of grief :lol:

I've seen these controlled crying techniques on Super Nanny and similar programs, as brutal/clinical as it sounds I think it is a case of having to be a little harsh to set the boundaries and from a very early age shape a child's behaviour, even if it is hearbreaking to to so.
 
Lol - I do so love it when people who haven't been there yet still see life post baby as something they can control :).

Post back when you have had a baby, are desperate for some sleep and will do anything for it.

That's post made me giggle Russ.
 
EYE_ON_ME said:
She is in my bed every night lol I do not mind. But just wonder what other people did?! :D
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You need to stop that as soon as possible, once they get used to sleeping in your bed you'll struggle to get them out, you're just postponing the sleepless nights not stopping them
 
jomantha said:
Lol - I do so love it when people who haven't been there yet still see life post baby as something they can control :).

Post back when you have had a baby, are desperate for some sleep and will do anything for it.

That's post made me giggle Russ.
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I said shape not control but seeing the patronising tone of your reply I won't bother justifying anything I said further :cuckoo:
 
I wasn't being patronising - it made me
giggle because it's exactly what I use to think before these 2.

Some people will find offence in anything.
 
My wife did the controlled crying on both of ours. She planned it such that I was away for a few nights in business as I would be weak and give in. It was sorted within about 3 nights.

Iirc you know the time is right when the periods between a feed grow and the intake shrinks. They just don't need it anymore so best to get them used to it.

Our 8 and 5 year old still sleep from 7-7 with exception in holidays and very special events now.
 
jomantha said:
I wasn't being patronising - it made me
giggle because it's exactly what I use to think before these 2.

Some people will find offence in anything.
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Not offended at all but in the same light I never said I was an expert, mainly because I also stated I don't have kids myself.

I do have nieces and a nephew (and another on it's way in a couple of weeks) and I've also had a couple of partners who had kids from previous relationships.

One of my exs had a 6 year old daughter, the girl had (what I would consider) serious behavioural issues bordering on proper anger management issues.

Now being a kinda outsider looking in on this it was pretty easy to see that some of this could be attributed to the way the Mum handled certain situations inconsitently. One day she would literally get away with murder, the next it was like she was in a boot camp!

However, I appreciate that when you're a parent living with this day in day out you do what you need to do on any given day to get through certain situations.

My original point is that you *should* try and be consitent in whatever approach you try, for instance if you give a kid milk in the night don't make a habit of it (but in some circumstances it might be the only way) and be aware of any long term behaviours your actions might be introducing.

Saying that, I'm absolutely carp when it comes to be being deprived of sleep and all this theory will probably go out of the window :lol:
 
We did it with both of ours from around 3 months - they only need 3 nights or so of this and they soon learn that they should just go to sleep. Should they wake up, a quick check to make sure nappy ok etc... and back to sleep. My daughter is 11 months and sleeps from around 645/700 to between 700/830. She often wakes around 730 and is happy just to doze in cot till around 830. My son is three and a half and again, goes to bed around 8 and up around 730/830. Now, a friend whose boy is 2 weeks younger than mine is totally different, down to the fact that every time he stirred as a baby he would go in and pick him up. He was forever moaning about him getting up in the night and again at 5 or 6. You do need to show the baby who is the boss and just stick with it for a few nights.
 
Every parent parents differently and frankly if it "feels" right for you and /or your partner then go with it...short of throwing said child/baby out the window of course :)
 
The one thing I would say is the later you leave it the worse it'll be....or at least the common advice is that is the case. Trying this with a wilful two or three year old would be very,very hard.
 
I always thought controlled crying was when you pinched the baby when coming through customs with a few extra items. Customs just wave you through

Allegedly :D
 
Beardy said:
The one thing I would say is the later you leave it the worse it'll be....or at least the common advice is that is the case. Trying this with a wilful two or three year old would be very,very hard.
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I would agree with this - which is why our daughter is so much better at sleeping than our son - we left it way too late - it's getting better slowly - with our daughter we haven't left her to cry - but we have been for more strict about actually putting her to bed whereas we left our son sleeping in our bed and then moved him every night.

My daughter co slept for over a year - then she went into a room with our son - mind you she won't go to sleep if he isn't there - I can't say I blame her - I wouldn't like to sleep alone every night - so I can understand why the kids don't want to.
 
Seriously - use the grandparents if it's all getting a bit much. Just one nights full sleep can be marvellous if you're having continuous disturbed nights.
 
Ark can I ask were you sat in the room?! I mean was it in the babies view? Also has anyone heard of babies getting brain damage from this?!
 
EYE_ON_ME said:
Ark can I ask were you sat in the room?! I mean was it in the babies view? Also has anyone heard of babies getting brain damage from this?!
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Room was dark (we bought a black out blind). Initially just sat on bed next to cot, then lying on bed next to cot (he could not see me then). Not sure he could see us (maybe outline initially), but he would have known if we had left the room (creaky floors and light then coming in when door opens - I hate creaky floors!). I think I wanted to stay in the room the first few nights so we didn't have to come back in the room and leave every 5 minutes which he would have noticed, and just to keep an eye on him. Personally I think I didn't want to leave him in the room on his own when he was that upset.

When we now put him to bed, he goes in and we leave the room. We've only done this for the last two weeks though.

I don't think I mentioned in the original post, he now sleeps at around 11 hours straight a night.

It doesn't work from all babies from what I have read, but it's certainly worth a go.

Good luck -let us know how you get on.

Al
 
We avoided black out blinds as that can cause issues if you stay somewhere else and then baby is expecting total daknessness. My son had had wood venetians since day 1 and been fine.
 
cambsno said:
We avoided black out blinds as that can cause issues if you stay somewhere else and then baby is expecting total daknessness. My son had had wood venetians since day 1 and been fine.
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That's a fair point - we had the most ridiculous curtains at the time that let in an incredible amount of light - certainly in summer at 6.30pm!

We have two sets and take them with us wherever we go (they have suckers on them so attach to any windows).

We've tried a couple of other places where the blinds did not fully fit and it was not 100% dark, and it's been fine though. With our one, now that he's learned to sleep we think he is good pretty much anywhere as long as it is darkish and relatively quiet whilst he is getting off to sleep.
 
With our youngest he's always slept in his own room since day 1-ish, but we'd leave the door open to our room and his. Now at 13 he sleeps with the door open, probably mostly so the dog can creep in and sleep with him.

Never had a problem with him, we learnt from our mistakes with the other 2.
 
Our son was 'control cried' at two weeks, that sounds really harsh compared to the rest of the thread but it worked amazingly well, by night 5 we could put him down at night and he would be asleep on his own within 4-5mins.

It was quite important tomboth of us that the baby never shared our bed. And i'm glad as he's just turned 3 and he's always been great at going to sleep.

We had to do it again when he got his 'big boy bed' but it wasn't as bad, only took a couple of nights, and it was only because it was novel to him that he could get out of bed himself.
 
Just so you can google the terms - akrs term is gradual withdrawal.
 
It's never sat right with me, can I recommend you a book...the no cry sleep solution.

It is amamzing, and I am currently using the toddler version on my 20 month old!
 
Just an update really, last night it took 1hr 6min and tonight 25min ;) hope it all goes to plan lol
 
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