My 9 year old has a PC in her bedroom, connected to my wireless network (and thus the internet).
She has MSN on it too.
However, I run VNC software, which means that I can (and frequently do) log in and watch her screen, from my machine. (Without her knowing when I'm doing it....), she knows this can happen at any time.
Also, although she doesn't use MSN alot, she knows that all chat logs much remain intact for me to check randomly. If the chat logs 'go missing' so does her PC access.
And finally, I have installed McAfee SiteAdvisor on her PC, which basically allows me to control what websites she's allowed to visit.
At first, I restricted ALL websites, excepting a few known and trusted ones (Disney, BBC etc).
I then started adding some that she requested (after checking them of course).
Now, I have reversed the software to ban the ones the software thinks are dodgy and let others through. I've given it a thorough testing and it works really well.
elektro, it's not about knowing right from wrong. My daughter knows right from wrong. However, it is my duty to protect her from undesirable activity on the internet. I wouldn't allow her to pick ANY video from a video store, nor ANY book from a library. Nor would I allow her to speak or play with just ANYONE in real life. It's my duty as an adult to teach her how to be safe, and look over her shoulder and guide her until she is old enough to do it herself.
I'm a moderator over at Raising Kids, and this topic crops up all the time.
The concensus is that it is OK to 'snoop' and control childrens internet activity like this. It's not for a want of being nosy or being controlling, it's for the childs own good.
At 9, 12, 14 etc, they are children, and often don't have the mental capacity or maturity to know whether something is safe or not.
So, to summarise, RealVNC for the VNC software (to watch and / or control their computer remotely from another PC), and McAfee SiteAdvisor for the parental controls.
I tested a few, and this was the best of the bunch.