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- The real Chris
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There's a few to wade through here some maybe old some maybe new I don't blame you if you get bored
but come back and fininsh them when you have nothing better to do its worth it ..........maybe
Man kneeling by his bed his wife says "What are you praying for?"
Husband says "Guidance".
Wife says "Pray for stiffness for a change and I'll guide it myself!"
Little Johnny talks to his mum while she's doing the dishes.
"Mummy, why do Au-Pairs bottoms come off?"
"Whatever gave the idea that they do Johnny?"
"I just heard dad telling the next door neighbour he screwed the @rse off ours"
An Irishman goes to the local blacksmith to apply for a job.
The blacksmith asks him if he had any experience in shoeing horses and the man says to him
" No sir, I haven't, but I once told a donkey to f*** off.
I've been trying to help childless couples by making regular sperm donations.
However the Police have now advised me I should really be doing this through a clinic and not straight through their letterboxes!!
My sex is very religious at the moment. Nun in the morning, nun in the afternoon, and nun at night , in fact nun at all.
My girlfriend just had a tattoo of a sea shell on her inner thigh, its fantastic, if you put your ear to it you can smell the sea...
The must have doll all kids wanted for Christmas is being returned on mass.
It's a talking Muslim doll,
No one's got the balls to pull the string.....
A woman goes to her doctor and says, 'Can you get pregnant from anal sex?'
The doctor says, 'Of course, where do you think politicians come from.
Q. Why doesn't a Arab have sex and driving lessons on the same day?
A. Because the camel can't manage both on the same day.
Q. Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?
A. he opened the best little warehouse.
I still miss my ex
... but my aim is getting better.
Little Johnny's teacher says, "Class, today we are going to learn multi-syllable words. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?"
Little Johnny raises his hand, "Me, Miss Finch!"
Miss Finch turns towards the eager young lad, "All right, Little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable
word?"
Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate".
Miss Finch smiles and says, "Well, little Johnny, that sure is a mouthful!".
Little Johnny says, "No, Miss Finch, you're thinking of a blow job"
What have men and floor tiles got in common?
If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.
Did you hear about the Essex girl who went on a cattle ranch holiday.
She was useless , she just couldn't keep her calves together.
Husbands' Nicknames ..
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love
lives.
One woman said, "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does."
The second woman giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."
The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, "Say, what do you call your husband?"
She frowned and said, "The postman."
"Why the postman?"
"Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."
My willy is shaped like a rocket.
My wife is over the moon!!
I want you. I shall find you. I shall take you to bed & have my way with you.
I will make you ache, shake & sweat till you moan & groan.
I will make you beg for mercy.
I will exhaust you & leave you weak for days.
All my love... THE FLU. x
Went to my chiropadist today! Took out my trouser snake a dropped onto the table!
She looked at me and said that ain`t a foot! I said "It ain`t far off though"
Which is your name?
Step, Step, Step, Stephen
oh god, you are a stutterer...
No, I'm not, my dad was
A biker walks into a yuppie bar and shouts, All lawyers are assholes!
He looks around, obviously hoping for a challenge.
Finally a guy comes up to him, taps him on the shoulder, and says, Take that back.
The biker says, Why? Are you a lawyer?
No, Im an asshole.
If you're a masochist necrophiliac with a thing for bestiality - face it, you're flogging a dead horse.
A man walks into a chemist and asks the pharmacist,
"Do you have cotton woool balls?"
The pharmacist says "What do you think I am? A bloody teddy bear?"
There is a new nightclub craze , get a lassie to lie on her back and pour vodka into her 'thingy' and suck the vodka through a straw......
police are concerned about this minge drinking.
My sister had just finished feeding her baby. She asked me if I wanted to wind him , I thought thats a bit harsh so I gave him a dead leg instead.
What's the definition of frenzy,- two blind lesbians walking through a fish market.
How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: Tipex on the screen.
What's easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman?
A snowwoman is easier to make, as with a snowman you have to hollow out the head and use all that extra snow to make its testicles.
Scientists have discovered that Essex girls at some time in their life will have intelligent DNA.
Unfortunately they will either swallow it or spit it out!!
The horny midget found that the best way to make time with women was to be direct about it.
So he went up to the tallest blondest woman at the party and said,
"Hey, honey, whaddaya say to a little f'k"
She looked down at him and promptly replied,
"Hello, you little F'k!"
but come back and fininsh them when you have nothing better to do its worth it ..........maybe
Man kneeling by his bed his wife says "What are you praying for?"
Husband says "Guidance".
Wife says "Pray for stiffness for a change and I'll guide it myself!"
Little Johnny talks to his mum while she's doing the dishes.
"Mummy, why do Au-Pairs bottoms come off?"
"Whatever gave the idea that they do Johnny?"
"I just heard dad telling the next door neighbour he screwed the @rse off ours"
An Irishman goes to the local blacksmith to apply for a job.
The blacksmith asks him if he had any experience in shoeing horses and the man says to him
" No sir, I haven't, but I once told a donkey to f*** off.
I've been trying to help childless couples by making regular sperm donations.
However the Police have now advised me I should really be doing this through a clinic and not straight through their letterboxes!!
My sex is very religious at the moment. Nun in the morning, nun in the afternoon, and nun at night , in fact nun at all.
My girlfriend just had a tattoo of a sea shell on her inner thigh, its fantastic, if you put your ear to it you can smell the sea...
The must have doll all kids wanted for Christmas is being returned on mass.
It's a talking Muslim doll,
No one's got the balls to pull the string.....
A woman goes to her doctor and says, 'Can you get pregnant from anal sex?'
The doctor says, 'Of course, where do you think politicians come from.
Q. Why doesn't a Arab have sex and driving lessons on the same day?
A. Because the camel can't manage both on the same day.
Q. Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?
A. he opened the best little warehouse.
I still miss my ex
... but my aim is getting better.
Little Johnny's teacher says, "Class, today we are going to learn multi-syllable words. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?"
Little Johnny raises his hand, "Me, Miss Finch!"
Miss Finch turns towards the eager young lad, "All right, Little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable
word?"
Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate".
Miss Finch smiles and says, "Well, little Johnny, that sure is a mouthful!".
Little Johnny says, "No, Miss Finch, you're thinking of a blow job"
What have men and floor tiles got in common?
If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.
Did you hear about the Essex girl who went on a cattle ranch holiday.
She was useless , she just couldn't keep her calves together.
Husbands' Nicknames ..
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love
lives.
One woman said, "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does."
The second woman giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."
The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, "Say, what do you call your husband?"
She frowned and said, "The postman."
"Why the postman?"
"Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."
My willy is shaped like a rocket.
My wife is over the moon!!
I want you. I shall find you. I shall take you to bed & have my way with you.
I will make you ache, shake & sweat till you moan & groan.
I will make you beg for mercy.
I will exhaust you & leave you weak for days.
All my love... THE FLU. x
Went to my chiropadist today! Took out my trouser snake a dropped onto the table!
She looked at me and said that ain`t a foot! I said "It ain`t far off though"
Which is your name?
Step, Step, Step, Stephen
oh god, you are a stutterer...
No, I'm not, my dad was
A biker walks into a yuppie bar and shouts, All lawyers are assholes!
He looks around, obviously hoping for a challenge.
Finally a guy comes up to him, taps him on the shoulder, and says, Take that back.
The biker says, Why? Are you a lawyer?
No, Im an asshole.
If you're a masochist necrophiliac with a thing for bestiality - face it, you're flogging a dead horse.
A man walks into a chemist and asks the pharmacist,
"Do you have cotton woool balls?"
The pharmacist says "What do you think I am? A bloody teddy bear?"
There is a new nightclub craze , get a lassie to lie on her back and pour vodka into her 'thingy' and suck the vodka through a straw......
police are concerned about this minge drinking.
My sister had just finished feeding her baby. She asked me if I wanted to wind him , I thought thats a bit harsh so I gave him a dead leg instead.
What's the definition of frenzy,- two blind lesbians walking through a fish market.
How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: Tipex on the screen.
What's easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman?
A snowwoman is easier to make, as with a snowman you have to hollow out the head and use all that extra snow to make its testicles.
Scientists have discovered that Essex girls at some time in their life will have intelligent DNA.
Unfortunately they will either swallow it or spit it out!!
The horny midget found that the best way to make time with women was to be direct about it.
So he went up to the tallest blondest woman at the party and said,
"Hey, honey, whaddaya say to a little f'k"
She looked down at him and promptly replied,
"Hello, you little F'k!"
