Camera at funeral

dejongj

dejongj

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Besides weddings, funerals are likely the next biggest gathering of family members and friends.

For some odd reason I felt the need to ask whether I should take my camera with me. And it was met with a very strong no. Oh no, not at a funeral.

It made me think, why not? It is the celebration of a magnificent lady, with many relatives arriving from all around the world. A fair few we will never see again.

My nan used to love looking at photos and had amazing stories spanning nearly a century.

I wonder what other people's experiences are.
 
For the wake after I can see the benefits for family photos, but before or at grave side I would say no. I also don't like seeing some of the photos on here of cemetry and church ground's where people take photos of grave stones etc........ To me it's un-respectful IMO and was the way I was raised for respecting the dead.. Some will have no problems doing it and thats fine by me.

COE where a funeral is mentioned, it's more about grieving than celebrating a person ?? > https://www.churchofengland.org/weddings-baptisms-funerals/funerals.aspx

With the diversity of people in this country there are going to be very different views on this I would of thought.
 
It's difficult because as you say people come together for funerals where they may not otherwise so shots of everyone together would be nice. People like to look back at photos of happy occasions like weddings because it puts them back in the moment of a happy day, I'm not sure people would want to be reminded of a sad day.

Tact is probably the operative word, there will be many people that will want it as a celebration of a wonderful woman's life but there will also be many that are heartbroken and grieving at the passing of somebody dear to them.

I have a fairly large family one way or another that is spread across the UK and Ireland that at one point only got together for funerals. After a short run of a couple of funerals close together it was decided between everyone that everyone would make an effort and have a reunion once a year to meet up for a happy occasion :)
 
I was at a local church taking some pictures, I love architecture, when all of a sudden the funeral procession arrived! I had no idea whose funeral was taking place, but I just stopped what I was doing and waited.

An elderly man came and asked if I was there to photograph the event, I said "No of course not, I'm just taking pictures of the church"

He said, "Oh, I see. That's a shame because he liked photography" (He being the main guest) "He would have liked that"

Each to there own I guess.
 
A few years ago I came across a London based Professional Funeral Photographer

She was of African origin as I recall where it was more accepted as a record of celebrating a life

If you'd started photographing me at my father's funeral a couple of years ago you'd have had a funeral of your own !!! So perhaps more of a cultural thing

Dave
 
A couple of years ago I was asked to photograph a funeral.
I initially said no, but had my arm twisted by his long term partner who convinced me the whole family wanted me there and would welcome my camera.
The priest approached me (at the families request) and had no issues at all, even asking if she could have a few herself. However, the crematorium strongly objected, so despite the family and priest's wishes I wasn't allowed to use my camera during the service.
I got a few odd looks, and yes it was deeply uncomfortable uncomfortable; but the images were much appreciated by the family and friends of the deceased.
Would I do it again - almost certainly not....
 
It seems to have become a contentious issue, But I can't see why.
In victorian times even the open coffin was photographed and we still have numerous Funeral procession photographs and "Laying in" photographs.
I think it is the modern "Fear of Death" that has taken root and the squeamishness that goes along with it.
There is fundamentally nothing wrong with recording any of life's events for posterity.

Recording the "life celebration" should not be regarded any differently
 
I'm of an age when I've already attended the funerals of half my friends and relatives. Sometimes I'm asked if I'll bring my camera along and do the photographs, in which case I'll ask for details of the entire series of events and what they'd like, which sometimes means arriving fully laden with gear. In these cases I like to be announced to the gathering as the photographer. That gives me the licence to pose people, use flash, etc..

If I'm not asked I'll bring along the camera with a couple of lenses and discreetly check out attitudes when I get there. When others are taking general photographs without causing annoyance I'll do the same. It's a very personal matter on which some people have strong feelings about what should not be photographed. I can't recall a funeral in which no photography of any part was preferred.
 
Its the one job I would flatly refuse to do.. I freelance for two local papers and they know not to bother asking me :)

The nearest I ever did was a sort of tribute to a football fan .. all his family at the game and a shrine in one corner that everyone went to after the match for a moments thingy.. the family asked me to take pictures of the whole thing.. I did from a distance and still felt everyne staring at me and i felt very awkward but didnt want to let them down...

I do all accrington stanley home games and quite a few times during the season there will be a minutes silence.. teams around the center circle and fans/managers all doing the minutes silence.. I have to get those pics and a few months ago mentioned it on a fans forum and apologised if anyone thought i was being dissrespectful taking pictures during the silence.. I got a 100% positive response all saying they understood..

I am not apposed to people taking pictures of anything because its too late after the event...... but personally I would stay away from anyhting like that and deffo not a funeral.... I can fully understand anyone who would do them though ...
 
Swanseajack said:
COE where a funeral is mentioned, it's more about grieving than celebrating a person ?? > https://www.churchofengland.org/weddings-baptisms-funerals/funerals.aspx
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To be fair, that link actually says "to grieve and to give thanks for the life lived".

I've photographed a few funerals, and am also on a call list at two local hospitals should anyone be unlucky enough to suffer a stillbirth and wish to have some photographs of their baby (which is of course not a fee paying service). I've done that seven times now.

We have such an old fashioned attitude to death in this country IMO. It's the one thing that is guaranteed to happen to us all, yet it's shied away from...whispered about in corners. Silly really.
 
It is fascinating to see the varying responses. It just highlights that it is a very personal thing. I think I'll have to make provisions to have big signs made to say photographs allowed on my funeral but not from tablets please :)

I will respect the wishes of my UK family and not cause any unnecessary upset. Yet can't help but feel it will be a missed opportunity. Such a dilemma.
 
I recently attended my grandmother's funeral. After the internment my mother asked me to take some photos of the floral arrangements so that could she could show them to relatives overseas. I didn't have my camera with me but went home and got it and took photos only after all the other mourners had left the cemetery. Other than that, I really wouldn't feel right taking photos at a funeral. But to each their own.
 
It would be interesting to know what is the norm in other countries.
The USA goes well over the top Funeral and furnishing wise, I wonder if that continues into the Photography of the occasion.
 
Just spotted this thread, and only this morning I was thinking ... should I or shouldn't I even think about taking my camera to my aunts funeral later this week?

I like the idea of getting a few candid shots of family at the graveside with a long lens from outside the graveyard. It would be disrespectful if it was somebody elses family.
 
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I put a selection of images from the funeral I covered into my Blog.
Sharing the link here so you can get a feel for how the families and friends might have felt about me being there with my camera.
The images are just from the Wake and have been picked to show that it was a celebration of his life. They were included in my Blog with the families permission.
http://www.wild-landscapes.co.uk/Blog/2014-05-02-Chris-Hall/40817660_t6GKmD
 
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The last two links is exactly why I was thinking of bringing my camera.

I love people photography anyway, but the love, the tenderness, human beings at their most real. I love it. To me it is a great celebration by people who were there for her, who loved her, who have fond memories, and yes are also very sad.

To me there is nothing wrong with such emotions and I think they are beautiful emotions.

If anything I think people are more real, more themselves at funerals opposed to weddings.

It's a tough one, I'll probably bring my little Olympus PEN and leave it in the car and assess the mood at the wake afterwards.
 
I think its generally not accepted as there are lots of upset and tearful people present.


Would you want your photo taken under such circumstances?

That said, each one is different but there will always be objections.
 
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Personally, I've been too sad at funerals to even think about taking photographs. They're not occasions I'd personally want to photograph. I have plenty of photographs of the deceased when they were alive that I'm happy to remember them with.

Just my thoughts though, I imagine a lot can depend on the mood and tone of the funeral - the last two I've been to were dark December days with torrential rain, not exactly weather to lift the spirits!
 
odd jim said:
I think its generally not accepted as there are generally lots of upset and tearful people present.


Would you want your photo taken under such circumstances?

That said, each one is different but there will always be objections.
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I think it is beautiful to capture that love and emotion when done tastefully. But yes, I anticipate objections by some and that is my dilemma as I wouldn't want to add to the upset.
 
dejongj said:
I anticipate objections by some and that is my dilemma as I wouldn't want to add to the upset.
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Personally I think that is your answer ... if you are going to upset anyone at an occasion like this then don't do it.
 
gramps said:
Personally I think that is your answer ... if you are going to upset anyone at an occasion like this then don't do it.
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I agree. And at any funeral with more than a few people attending, you are likely to upset someone.

Not everything needs to be documented in pictures.


Steve.
 
We like to convey emotion in our pictures, especially when people are involved, but here those people are at their most vulnerable. Thats the main difference. It could almost be seen as taking advantage. All IMO of course.

Its something I've often wondered about.
 
True, but I know my nan would have loved to see the photos as she was not able to go herself to several events. I also found it amazing and fantastic to find such photos in my families archives dating back to the twenties...
 
odd jim said:
We like to convey emotion in our pictures, especially when people are involved, but here those people are at their most vulnerable. Thats the main difference. It could almost be seen as taking advantage. All IMO of course.

Its something I've often wondered about.
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I agree, however I do think there is a difference between taking advantage of vulnerability and capturing the love and sadness that people had, and lets not forget the enjoyment in sharing those throughts together through the laughter and enjoyment at the wake...
 
Definately, I'm just saying this is a subject you'd have to approach very carefully.

Personally I'd actually be interested in doing this, but I would have to be 100% happy that no one objected to it, and that it had been explained to each and everyone the objective.
 
dejongj said:
and lets not forget the enjoyment in sharing those throughts together through the laughter and enjoyment at the wake...
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At the expense of those who you expect objections from.
 
viv1969 said:
To be fair, that link actually says "to grieve and to give thanks for the life lived".

I've photographed a few funerals, and am also on a call list at two local hospitals should anyone be unlucky enough to suffer a stillbirth and wish to have some photographs of their baby (which is of course not a fee paying service). I've done that seven times now.

We have such an old fashioned attitude to death in this country IMO. It's the one thing that is guaranteed to happen to us all, yet it's shied away from...whispered about in corners. Silly really.
Click to expand...

I only heard about the photographing of stillbirth babies when I saw the charity stall at Focus this year. I wasn't too sure about it, but after a discussion with my wife who is a mental health professional she educated me in the positive benefits some parents get from such photographs. It is a terrible event and anything that can be done to help the grieving parents is a good thing.

It must be a hard thing to do Ruth, and I salute you in doing this voluntarily. I'd be terrible at doing this; I just don't have the people skills, so the volunteering I do is just admin and finance stuff for a charity. I am always in awe of people who give their time and put themselves in emotionally difficult positions. I was going to put an emote to try and finish this sentence, but they all seem a little too trivial for the subject matter so just a simple /salute
 
Steve said:
I only heard about the photographing of stillbirth babies when I saw the charity stall at Focus this year. I wasn't too sure about it, but after a discussion with my wife who is a mental health professional she educated me in the positive benefits some parents get from such photographs. It is a terrible event and anything that can be done to help the grieving parents is a good thing.

It must be a hard thing to do Ruth, and I salute you in doing this voluntarily. I'd be terrible at doing this; I just don't have the people skills, so the volunteering I do is just admin and finance stuff for a charity. I am always in awe of people who give their time and put themselves in emotionally difficult positions. I was going to put an emote to try and finish this sentence, but they all seem a little too trivial for the subject matter so just a simple /salute
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Thanks Steve.
It is hard, and I'm glad the call does not come often; but I do it simply because I wish someone had done it for me 11 years ago.
 
gramps said:
At the expense of those who you expect objections from.
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I wouldn't be so resolute in stating it will be at the expense. Part of me wonders whether there is an element of unfulfilled communication, a topic that is assumed to be in a certain way but not generally being discussed.

I guess it depends who is doing it and how they are approaching it.
 
dejongj said:
Part of me wonders whether there is an element of unfulfilled communication, a topic that is assumed to be in a certain way but not generally being discussed.
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Well unless you didn't intend to put what you first said:-

dejongj said:
For some odd reason I felt the need to ask whether I should take my camera with me. And it was met with a very strong no. Oh no, not at a funeral.
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Sounds to me that there was communication but you are considering overriding the conclusion of it :thinking:
 
No, we are just discussing it here gramps. And, even with my family members there wasn't an conversation about it, it was an instant reaction as to just something you don't do.

A bit like when English people say sorry like an automatic reaction.

I think it is a topic that is actually not discussed and reasoned about, or at least not generally. It seems very much a case of doing what people think other people would expect you to do.
 
When my mum died in 1986 I didn't even think of taking a camera to the funeral, nobody wants their photo taken on a sad day, they might be forced to smile when inside they're falling apart so it won't be a natural shot.

I just went back after everybody had gone and took a couple of shots of the flowers on her grave after she'd been buried, I'm glad I did because they make me think about how much everybody loved her
 
When my mum died I had the funeral videoed ... it was in order to send to my sister in Australia, who could not attend (she had visited several times when mum was ill and simply couldn't come again so was very pleased at the suggestion of videoing it). There were no other close relatives at the funeral, though around 100 of mum's friends attended and although the Minister mentioned about my sister not being able to attend and getting the video, there was clearly a feeling of unease with some who were present. At the end I tried to explain the reason for my decision to have it videoed to anyone who asked or commented on it and those who did appeared to understand the reason behind the decision.
I had a friend do the videoing and it took three attempts to get him to agree to do it as he felt very uncomfortable with the whole idea ... as far as I know, to this day my sister has never worked up the 'courage' to watch it.
To some degree it made the event a little uncomfortable and whilst I felt my decision was right, I wouldn't want to have to make that decision again and I would never consider it unless there was a very good reason for it.
 
I've attended funerals where people have taken photos of the body lying in the open casket. It's a cultural thing and common in many countries. It's something I was surprised at to begin with but it makes sense for the family to want to cling on to their dearly departed as much as possible. Regardless, that would only be something done or requested by the immediate family. I wouldn't expect a second cousin-once-removed to rock up with a Go Pro and stick it in there. Certainly taking photos of the grieving family and friends during the funeral I would say is a big "No No!" (there may be some very rare exceptions).

During the "celebration" afterwards might be more acceptable. I guess it depends on the tone of the event. Many people don't want to be seen to be having too much of a good time at funerals, others like the excuse for a good party and view it more as a celebration. It varies so much it's difficult to know what is or isn't appropriate. This is where smart phones come into their own though...
 
Each to their own, but a big NO from me.
 
If someone asked me and it was going to be a happy occasion/celebration then maybe. But personally i don't enjoy capturing sad moments. i also feel that many don't appreciate those moments being captured.
 
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