Appropriate farting and the fairer sex

[MarkydeSad]

When I'm amongst a group of men I find that a good, strong rasping fart usually results in nods of approval and (when the smell has dissipated) appreciative pats on the back, as is the wont of males

In the company of females, however, different tactics apply. Noisy farts are very much to be discouraged as all one receives for one's efforts are frowns and the shaking of heads, and conspiratorial, disparaging looks which seem to say: 'Is he with you?' Therefore, if one must break wind, silence (and silent farting is an esoteric art, to be sure) would appear to be golden

What are your experiences of farting and the fairer sex?

 

[Galaxy66]

one to watch


Will not join in as I have Galaxy66 junior a member on here, he pays a visit now and again to check up on me

 

[ChrisMClark]

My wife thinks it's funny, unless particularly stinky. It's not unknown for my lovely wife to join in farting contests either.

 

[theMusicMan]

My wife thinks it's funny, unless particularly stinky. It's not unknown for my lovely wife to join in farting contests either.

You see, despite what they say, women do fart!

 

[Persephone]

You see, despite what they say, women do fart!

No we don't!! That's a myth.

 

[foggy4ever]

Well thats a loud smelly myth in my house

 

[Matt]

nice to see that the tone and quality if threads in OOF is not getting lower at all then...im in 2 minds about this thread, on the one hand, its mildly amusing, and on the other, its tasteless with absolutely no value at all...*sigh* the decisions i have to make

 

[we11ingon]

:gag It smells in here...)

 

[hepburn]

im in 2 minds about this thread, on the one hand, its mildly amusing, and on the other, its tasteless with absolutely no value at all...

Surely a tasteless thread with absolutely no value is the one about jade goody?

 

[Mischief]

Actually-My "Fairer Half" is far worse than i,and is quite capable of voluminous expulsions that would make Krakatoa seem timid..
she's rather proud of them too...

 

[Arkady]

This is important stuff...

My farts have tended to get ranker and louder the older I get, to the extent that a Royal Navy colleague once remarked that I had 'Rancid, Rotten Old-Man Bowels', which I thought was a bit harsh at the time, but upon reflection was probably fair comment...
These days I save them for trips to my Girlfriend's Mum's house where I can safely blame them on the dogs...

 

[hepburn]

These days I save them for trips to my Girlfriend's Mum's house where I can safely blame them on the dogs...

and how wicked is that? talk about give a dog a bad name...

 

[Arkady]

Dogs are just Curry waiting to happen...

 

[hepburn]

Dogs are just Curry waiting to happen...

ooh... x 1000

 

[artona]

nice to see that the tone and quality if threads in OOF is not getting lower at all then...im in 2 minds about this thread, on the one hand, its mildly amusing, and on the other, its tasteless with absolutely no value at all...*sigh* the decisions i have to make

Ahhhhhhhh............ a third life decision

A) Shall we fart in male company
B) Shall we fart in female company
C) Shall we fart - or type about farting on TP

And its only the second day of the Easter hols............

stew

 

[u8myufo]

No we don't!! That's a myth.

Arnt they called love puffs women do it?

 

[donut]

i never fart in front of my wife












,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,she always gets hers in first

 

[Rob_W]

Women dont fart because they dont shut up long enough to build the pressure up...

 

[Grockle]

Our 10 year old granddaughter is doing some real cheek slappers lately. Guess who she tries to blame? As if!

 

[wegotitugetit]

very intresting subject i once went to las vegas/san fransico/los angels just spelt it wrong lol and it was with the wife and my mum dad and brother and for the whole 2 weeks we spent in the car it was nothing but farting contests between my dad and the wife guess who won




the wife

 

[whitewash]

i have only this minute indulged, the air is getting thin and im starting to feel faint i dont think i can last much longer.....




chilli farts FTW!

 

[gus607]

I always blame the cat !

 

[Blapto]

It's a well known fact that a girl isn't officially your girlfriend (or indeed wife) until you've consummated the relationship by farting in bed and holding her head under the cover.

I'm not sure how long you're meant to pin the cover down. I've always just done it until she stops struggling, just to be the safe side.

 

[Gonetae]

nice to see that the tone and quality if threads in OOF is not getting lower at all then...im in 2 minds about this thread, on the one hand, its mildly amusing, and on the other, its tasteless with absolutely no value at all...*sigh* the decisions i have to make

*Sniff*... Matty was that you ? !

 

[kelack]

It's a well known fact that a girl isn't officially your girlfriend (or indeed wife) until you've consummated the relationship by farting in bed and holding her head under the cover.

I'm not sure how long you're meant to pin the cover down. I've always just done it until she stops struggling, just to be the safe side.

After quite a tense night, that has just made me and husband laugh, very much, so I thank you

 

[ekso]

Women fart as just as much as men.
Have you never noticed the sudden "and stronger" perfume smell. It's cause the shockwave of the fart release some of the permufe chemicals to mask the fart smell.
...
Hear about the 3 sailors... they had a fart competition.
The first one's was quiet. THe second one was a slight hiss, like a tyre puncture...the last one was a krakatoa raspberyy. Aha, said the first two, "we have a virgin".
;-)
If you fart, make sure you make a sound !

 

[Matt Sayle]

My girlfriend high fives me when I fart..



then runs away when it 'hits' her

My little neice (who is 18 months old) farts and points at my dad

 

[seriousrikk]

My wife tries to blame the dog then giggles a bit to give the game away. Never do I hear them.

 

[Zak Millard]

women can fart loud they just choose to do it silently then blame the nearest male in my experience, my female freinds always blame me ....... i cant physicaly do it as much as they would have you beleive lmao!

 

[whitewash]

It's a well known fact that a girl isn't officially your girlfriend (or indeed wife) until you've consummated the relationship by farting in bed and holding her head under the cover.

the correct term for this is 'a dutch oven'

 

[ekso]

My wife tries to blame the dog then giggles a bit to give the game away. Never do I hear them.

You must have one smelly dog


My wife blames it on me. I blame it on the my sister's one-year old. Always pic someone who cant talk back !

 

[creamykiwi]

It's a well known fact that a girl isn't officially your girlfriend (or indeed wife) until you've consummated the relationship by farting in bed and holding her head under the cover.

I agree... and I'm a girl But the favour has to be returned And I don't think you can have a relationship without being able to fart in each other's company... my ex and I used to have farting competitions on occasions

 

[malla1962]

the correct term for this is 'a dutch oven'

I did that but it didn't go down to well
the wife ran of to throw up and the dog was trying to bite her lol.

 

[whitewash]

I agree... and I'm a girl But the favour has to be returned And I don't think you can have a relationship without being able to fart in each other's company... my ex and I used to have farting competitions on occasions

i fart infront of my missus, she generally looks disgusted, however she enjoys a good trump every now and again and tries to play it down, oh and they smell ****ing aweful, if thats what sugar and spice and all things nice smell like then im not a fan



oh and we are 35 posts in and no one has mentioned the proper 'girly fart'

 

[c_robinson]

on the topic, is it wrong that a friend has double thrones ( http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/images/uploads/11-28-twodaloo-toilet.jpg twodaloo!!) and plays battle ***** with his fairer half?

i think it's hillarious but i reckon i'd get stage fright!

 

[Cobra]

on the topic, is it wrong that a friend has double thrones ( http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/images/uploads/11-28-twodaloo-toilet.jpg twodaloo!!) and plays battle ***** with his fairer half?

i think it's hillarious but i reckon i'd get stage fright!

What a crappy idea

 

[Jordie]

Im one for the silent but deadly. Its an art like markydeSad has said.


You let em off at school. Try not to smile cos I still find toilet humour very amusing, and say it wasnt me, and think. What a good smell that was