A sense of loss....

RobertP

RobertP

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My mother died monday. Didn't quite make it to 88.

Only posting this really to explain why I am a bit subdued and maybe to get something off my chest.

She had a digestive problem that started at the end of last year and a dislike of doctors and hospitals so strong we could only get her to see a doctor once she was getting weak from being virtually unable to eat or drink. She was admitted 8 days before she died. Went in brave and alert and criticising the other old people as they were mostly suffering degrees of dementia and she had a sharp mind.

The hospital decided she had a heart problem and anemia so they ignored her stomach. Every day they told us another thing that was probably wrong with her and 2 days before the end pneumonia. They took her off her normal medicines and didn't appear to know what was really wrong. She started to get some pains after a few days laid up they gave her morphine. That was the beginning of the end. No treatment - 'lets see if she improves' - and a slow decline. If you are old and in hospital and they offer morphine I'd suggest you decline.

I'm not really bitter about it. She always missed my dad and had said she felt it was near her time. I just have a bitter taste from the manner of her passing.

There was an autopsy as the cause of death was unknown - Coroner came up with ischaemic (sp?) heart disease and said the stomach was not a factor and no pneumonia.

My business is behind me and I have free time. I planned to spend some of it improving my childhood home so mum would be more comfortable, but done slowly as she could not take disruption. Instead as executor I have to become a diy lawyer and set about selling it.
 
Sorry to hear that Robert. 88 is a pretty good innings, although we only have one mum in this world, so it's always going to leave a void in your life.
 
Yep, sorry to hear that mate.
 
CT said:
Sorry to hear that Robert. 88 is a pretty good innings, although we only have one mum in this world, so it's always going to leave a void in your life.
Click to expand...

I can cope with the void. Its the feeling that hospital treatment of the elderly (that she feared) took her away sooner rather than later I don't like.
 
Sorry to hear this Robert.....just as you were turning a corner with your business. Can't really comment on the hospital treatment as I've recieved both excellent & poor experiences with my daughter in the last few years. The only consolation is your Mother had a great innings at 88, so you've managed to spend some quality time together in that period. Definitely sounds like she was strong willed.

Take care.
 
Sincere condolences, my thoughts are with you and your family.
 
I feel for you Robert and I know what you mean about the morphine, my own mother died on April 17th last year but in truth the morphine took her away from us days before. I can't fault the treatment she got, in her case the drug really was a blessing and the staff were just fantastic, but I miss her.

Hugh
 
Sorry to hear of your mother's passing.
Had a similar experience a few years ago with my father so I know the frustration & bitterness it leaves you with.
Of course the passing of time helps as does concentrating your thoughts on your loved one's life & not their passing. Im sure you already know that & its not much concellation to you at this moment in time.
Thinking of you.
 
So sorry to hear about your loss. I know what you mean about elderly people being cared for in hospital - my mum went through the same thing with my gran who died (in hospital last year). It was so painful to watch her deteriorate the way she did. In the end, I just couldn't go to see her. You have my total empathy.
 
Hi Robert,
Sorry to hear about your mother. And even more sorry to hear how the hospital failed her. It's true that doctors don't really know about anything and it's all a guessing game most of the time. But perhaps they could have listened more to your mother and her family about what you think is wrong with her rather than just "let's see if she improves". That just seems wrong.

My condolences.


Regards,
Kamion
 
Sincere Condolences from me too Robert, all our thoughts are with you.
 
hi robert sincere condolences my thoughts are with you and your family
 
very sorry for your loss Robert, deepest sympathies to you and your family.
 
My condolences to you and your family, just try to remember all the times you had.
 
Sorry to hear about your loss Robert, my thoughts are with you and your family.
 
I am very sorry to hear your about your loss Robert and applaud your strength in discussing it here so soon.

I lost my dad five weeks ago and have a similar story about the medical care he didnt receive. He was only 66, didnt drink or smoke and had been pretty fit and healthy (unlike me). He died within 48 hours of going into hospital after several months of failure to diagnose what was wrong with him by the GP and several consultants. We still dont really know why he died but believe it was cancer of the lining of the lung probably due to industrial exposure.
I just hope the inquest can confirm it and we can then, at least, be thankful that he passed away quickly.

My sincere condolences

Mark
 
Sorry to hear of your loss Robert.:(

I lost my dad when he was 63 and recently my mother at 72.:sadcry:

I can assure you that your emotions will be all over the place for quite some time but this this will ease with time as your head clears after the initial shock..:)
 
I know from my own experiences of losing loved ones that it will be a difficult time for you now Robert. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Mike
 
really sorry to hear that Robert, my condolences.
 
From spending many continuous hours in a geriatric ward it was obvious I would not be alone in my feelings.
The doctors would talk to you like they were probing to see what level of treatment to give. I was asked what they should do if increasing her blood pressure caused a heart attack - jump up and down on her chest or let her go. I answered she would prefer to be allowed to go. Next day another doctor told me the notes showed she was to get no treatment (including investigations into her problem) as she would not want it - very different to what I was asked and I caused a stink.

Mum said 90% of the nurses on the geriatric ward were nice people. The others did their job but treated the vacant and confused patients with little respect and applied the same to her even though she was frail but lucid and alert.

I'm not on a crusade. I accept things as they are and I've seen first hand what hospital staff have to deal with and how professionally they act. just not sure everyone is aware of the reality.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and my sympathies to those that have also faced loss.
 
Much condolence Robert ... tough times for you and yours ! If it helps there are many here thinking of you ! Life is surely hard and then ...

Our thoughts are with you and yours !
 
Very sorry to hear this, I lost my mother to cancer when she was 49. All the best at this difficult time.
 
I'd like to add my deep sympathy here for your pain and confusion.

Like others here, my father went into hospital a few years ago for a supposedly minor infection and never came out.....

and like others I still have trouble trying to understand how it all happened and fully dealing with my feelings but I am more able to be at peace with him being at peace.

I hope the same will find you in time.
 
can i also add my deepest sympathy, ive not lost a parent yet, but it does frighten me, i lost my gran whom i lived with in the same manner, once admitted to hospital it was downhill from there.

They say time is a great healer, so i hope it comes soon for you.
 
My condolences to you and your family Robert. It is one branch of the NHS that is so understaffed and underfunded. I have worked in the NHS all my life and feel that this side is not newsworthy and vote getting. The whole system is now based on "audits" and "peer reviews" and sympathetic tender loving care of the smaller local hospitals has gone. We all wear out and a friends mother died at 92 recently and possibly the most honest cause was recorded - "old age". My Mum is 88 and can still keep up with all the politics and scandal but I know that her heart is gradually failing, but last week she was on the phone to her big brother of 92 in Australia. You will feel a great gap in your life but hopefully your mother did not suffer too much and had a dignified end. I feel so sorry for those who lose children as it never feels right that we should outlive our offspring. All out thoughts are with you.
 
My deepest sympathy to you Robert. I lost my mum last year so know what you are going through.
 
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