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These are so corny no doubt they have been posted before but if not then enjoy
Actual tech centre call conversations
Customer: "I've been calling
700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that
number, sir?"
Customer: "It's on the door of your
business."
Operator: "Sir, those are the hours
that we are open."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the
telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't
understand who you are talking about."
Caller: "On page 1, section 5,
of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax
machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now,
can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the
telephone plug on the wall."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: "Does your European
Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?"
Operator: "Does the product name
give you a clue?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring about legal
requirements while travelling in Europe)
"If I register my car in France, and
then take it to England, do I have to change the steering wheel to the
other side of the car?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the
Argo Fish Bar, please"
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no
listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the
Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Then there was the caller who asked for
a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it
says on the label -- Woven in Scotland."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
On another occasion, a man making heavy
breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up
the window to write the number on."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "I need you to
right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "OK."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up
menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click
again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you
tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me
to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect
Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these
conversations!):
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer
assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm
having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of
trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just
typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does
your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it
won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in
WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the 'C:
prompt' on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a
sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you
move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any
cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor
have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with
the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that
tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on
the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can
you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the
cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind
the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the
back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I
need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it
is."
Operator: "Follow it for me,
and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "OK. Well, can you
see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe
put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Well, it's not
because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office
light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the
office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a
power failure."
Operator: "A power .... A
power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the
boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep
them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them,
and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it.
Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it
that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it
is."
Caller: "Well, all right
then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're
too stupid to own a computer!!!"
Actual tech centre call conversations
Customer: "I've been calling
700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that
number, sir?"
Customer: "It's on the door of your
business."
Operator: "Sir, those are the hours
that we are open."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the
telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't
understand who you are talking about."
Caller: "On page 1, section 5,
of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax
machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now,
can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the
telephone plug on the wall."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: "Does your European
Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?"
Operator: "Does the product name
give you a clue?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring about legal
requirements while travelling in Europe)
"If I register my car in France, and
then take it to England, do I have to change the steering wheel to the
other side of the car?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the
Argo Fish Bar, please"
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no
listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the
Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Then there was the caller who asked for
a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it
says on the label -- Woven in Scotland."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
On another occasion, a man making heavy
breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up
the window to write the number on."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "I need you to
right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "OK."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up
menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click
again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you
tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me
to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect
Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these
conversations!):
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer
assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm
having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of
trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just
typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does
your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it
won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in
WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the 'C:
prompt' on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a
sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you
move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any
cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor
have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with
the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that
tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on
the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can
you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the
cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind
the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the
back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I
need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it
is."
Operator: "Follow it for me,
and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "OK. Well, can you
see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe
put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Well, it's not
because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office
light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the
office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a
power failure."
Operator: "A power .... A
power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the
boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep
them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them,
and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it.
Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it
that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it
is."
Caller: "Well, all right
then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're
too stupid to own a computer!!!"
this time I'll stick to the smutty ones in future 
