Stuck in a rut...

Eddzz!!

Eddzz!!

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Eddy
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Warning: typical sob story up ahead...

Pretty fed up with the way my life is heading at the moment. I'm fresh out of University (last summer) with a degree in English Literature (and no, I don't fancy being a teacher!). I'm in work, working an administration job for the university I graduated from, on £18K a year. I also do a bar job on the side for two or three nights a week. In terms of life prospects, I'm feeling pretty useless at the moment. I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel at the moment and feel as though I'll be stuck doing the same old thing for years to come. I don't suit this routine well, especially when each and every day of the week I crawl out of bed to do something I don't enjoy. It's effecting the rest of my life in that I'm persistently in a fowl mood, which ****es off my long-term girlfriend, and it makes me completely unwilling to motivate myself in anything procreative.

I would ideally like to make something from my photography, but I can't see how I would support myself with that unless I moved back in with Mum and Dad and that's a big step backwards in my eyes :thumbsdown: The town I live in is devoid of opportunity (Bangor, North Wales) and as far as I can tell, my only escape from my current day-to-day would be to move somewhere else entirely. That's a scary prospect, as it would require a lot of money (which I don't have) and rejoining the job-hunt, which is a most hellish experience... I also have various commitments, e.g. paying off bills, credit cards, overdrafts, student load... Stuck in RUT indeed!

[EDIT] I think my main problem is, I just DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO with myself. In terms of a career, I really have no idea... I've had thoughts ranging from making my photography a profession, to joining the police! WTF!
 
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The best way to look at it is at least you have a job, there are plenty of people who will wish they had a job they hated at the moment.
 
Whilst you are in a far better position than many 'just out of Uni', I do know what you mean. You need a Plan B, away from the rat race, out of the rut and something that will take you through to early retirement.

Now let me think ;)
 
Im in a sort of similar position.

Im lucky in that financially I'm sorted and don't have to worry on that front, due to my wife being rather well off.

But I'm nearing 30 and still have no idea what to do with my life.
I left school at 16 to get a job with the equivalent of 12 standard grades and have worked in low end jobs since, washing dishes to being a barman,working in a store/online shop, then becoming a chef..I thought that this was the career for me and put in a lot of work and worked my way up to being in charge of a kitchen by the time I was 25(be it a small kitchen of 5/6 staff).
I had my first daughter when I was 23 and that changed my life I didn't want to be working for not great money 12 hours a day 5/6 days a week and not seeing them or being to tired to do anything with them when i was off, but carried on until my second daughter was born.
At this point I got quite depressed regarding this and left work to spend some time with them,plus my wife was dying to get away from them and return to work. :)

So I've now been a stay at home dad for the past two years. The oldest has started school and the younger will start nursery next august and I really don't know what to do with my self.. I don't want to return to the kitchen but feel that I have no real option. People have said to go and study but again I would have no clue what to study as I still have no clue what i want from my life.

I could just go get a job in tesco or a shop but I can't see that making me feel any better and don't have the qualifications or experience for much else I feel.

Having a wife and kids i cant even just jump on a plane and go off else where trying to find something.

I doubt you or me are the only people in this position I know my mum was nearly 30 before she decided what career to take and I have many friend that also hate there current jobs, but don't realy know what to do.

End of the day money and inanimate things are nothing if your not happy with your life(try tell my wife that ;) ), do what makes you happy, this may just be as hard to find though.
 
I am guessing that you are not that old Eddzz, as mentiuoned you at least have a job. It may not be the best in the world but the way you are feeling is the way most older people do after doing a job they do not like for a number of years, sometimes you have to just put up with it. You have a problem so look at it positively. I do have to ask though what did you do English Literature for, anything in particular? :shrug:
 
u8myufo said:
................ I do have to ask though what did you do English Literature for, anything in particular? :shrug:
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That was my first thought to. Why go to Uni and get a qualification you don't want or can't get a future with.:shrug:

That said, I left school, got an apprenticeship, have never spent a day out of work in my life and never claimed a benefit. Had to do some really crap jobs too (I'll not go into detail on here). Had some really low times, life threatening/changing illnesses, abuse issues but I soldiered on through it all and came out the other end intact.

Bottom line is there are always people worse off than you and the worst thing you can do is sit and dwell on it. Kick yerself up the @rse and go and find a future you're gonna be happy with. It's a big, big world out there. Good luck:thumbs:
 
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Forgive me, as I mean nothing confrontational by this, but what did you initially want to do with your English Literature degree when you decided on that as your course?
 
viv1969 said:
Forgive me, as I mean nothing confrontational by this, but what did you initially want to do with your English Literature degree when you decided on that as your course?
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Yes, that is the first thing that springs to mind. A degree course like that suggests you had an aim to teach (which you have ruled out) or journalism, perhaps.

What was you target employment when you opted to go for that degree ?
 
I never do understand youngsters that do a degree at university, leaving themselves with substantial debts and yet have no ambition to do anything with said degree.

You have a job that pays £18'000 a year, think yourself lucky. When I moved here from South Africa 10 years ago I supported a family of 3 on £11,000.
 
viv1969 said:
Forgive me, as I mean nothing confrontational by this, but what did you initially want to do with your English Literature degree when you decided on that as your course?
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An awful lot of people go to university having no idea what career they want to follow and study a subject because it interests them. This is not a new thing, it was true when I was an undergraduate (1988-1991). I knew what I wanted to do, but many did not.
 
Eddzz!! said:
[EDIT] I think my main problem is, I just DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO with myself. In terms of a career, I really have no idea... I've had thoughts ranging from making my photography a profession, to joining the police! WTF!
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I'm 43, I've been in my current job for 16 years, my previous one for about 5 and I still don't really know what I want to do when I grow up.

Sometimes I look back and think how the **** did I end up doing what I'm doing now. Events and opportunities just carried me along.

You're young, you have a job (much higher salary than my first engineering role) and you have a long time ahead of you for many adventures yet. The fact that you are questioning your direction means that you clearly have the drive to change it.

In my current role I have been involved in a lot of graduate recruitment and one of the questions I always ask is "where do you see yourselves in 5 years". An open minded answer always rates higher than an specific goal oriented answer at that age.

As with most things in life, just how the hell do you know that you are good at something until you have tried it? So try some stuff...
 
If there are no prospects near you,think about what you want to do in terms of work and life generally and move.

Scary? Yes

Worth it? It depends but you will regret not trying.

Is there any chance of a transfer where you work or any chance of staying with friends/family somewhere else for a few months while you find a job.
 
Hi Eddy

I think many people feel this way, young and old. Lots of people head to University with no idea of what they want to do, but having a degree can help you. Many jobs ask for people with degrees, but don't actually care what the degree was in.

It may be that moving back in with your parents in the short-term if you need to save up money \ pay-off debts could be the best thing to do.

I was fortunate (or not) to be brought up in London, but certainly in terms of job opportunities there are always lots of things on offer, and arguably lots of competition too. Either way it's hard for me to comment on the opportunities in Bangor, however from your post it does appear you may need to move (unless you can work from home or their are opportunities you have not considered previously).

I was much the same as you, only I dropped out of University after one year as the course I was on was not for me. I stayed on at my work placement from that course at a very low pay but great experience, then moved on 4 years later to a slightly better paid job where I stayed for another 3-4 years. At age 26 and still without really knowing what direction I wanted to head into (I had originally wanted to be a vet) I went travelling for a year. For me it was the best thing I did as it grew my confidence which helped me in all aspects of my life.

I came back, went into an entry level position at a small company (sub-50 people). Worked hard (practicing \ learning new skills I needed at home lots of evenings etc unpaid) - my boss left, I got his job, then got a more senior role. It's not an area I would have said had you asked me at 18 or 21, however I like my role now and have been at my company for over 10 years now. I was lucky with promotion, but got myself ready for it should the opportunity arise.

What I would say based on my experience, is to look for a company with a good record of internal promotion, or that is expanding where opportunities will arise.

Of course if you want to work for yourself \ start-up a business the above is moot.

My favourite thing about my current company - my colleagues. Having good colleagues \ nice people makes for a much nicer work place.

I think a lot of people fall into roles - I'd say get out there, if you are not happy move on - personally I think it is always easier to get another job once you are in a job already.

Good luck - if you keep the right motivation and stay positive I'm sure you will find the right path for you.
 
I would seriously consider moving back in with your parents (if it's a viable option) and save some money so you have a chance of making it in a field of your choosing.

Speaking as a 36 year old that been at the same company for 16 years.......... I'm in a role I hate with a passion. Working in a team that has (being polite) some "interesting" characters, a management team that have just screwed me over by changing my terms & conditions that forces me to provide out of hours support which means for 3 months of the year I can't be more than an hour away from the office or consume alcohol. I'll add at this point that 6 years ago I loved my job! Unfortunately in 2009 the company moved my function to Germany and forced me into my current role under a technicality.

Now it's very easy for people to say "why don't you just get another job", the problem is that the pay is pretty reasonable and I'd have to look at jobs in London to better it which would involve over 2 hours commuting and £4K for an annual rail card. Add to that I've just started a mortgage that's going to take me up to I'm 70 to pay off and looking to start a family I just have to keep plodding along until hopefully I can find a more fulfilling job.

Whilst you see moving back in with your parents as a backwards step, as cliché as it sounds, sometimes you have to move backwards to move forwards so consider it while you can ;)
 
onomatopoeia said:
An awful lot of people go to university having no idea what career they want to follow and study a subject because it interests them. This is not a new thing, it was true when I was an undergraduate (1988-1991). I knew what I wanted to do, but many did not.
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That was very true in my university days (early 1970s) too, but I don't think it mattered quite so much then. This was the era of grants, and very few graduates had any difficulty finding a reasonable job. A lot of us had a choice of jobs and careers offered to us.

Things have changed a lot. I'd advise anyone contemplating university now to think very carefully about what they want and expect to get out of it, and choose a course that leads to a potential career.

That doesn't really help the OP of course, but I'd suggest that a boring job paying £18K isn't such a bad place to be while you decide what to do next. At least you can enjoy a reasonable life on that. If you really want to move on and up into something more exciting, or satisfying, you are probably going to have to take a few risks. It's easier to do that while you're young and don't have too many commitments.
 
Thank you all for the responses! To all those that are wondering, I did my English degree not necessarily because I thought I'd find a career directly related to it as such, but because it was a subject that I found (and still do find) very interesting and is a qualification that could potentially take me in many different directions. I don't feel as though I did my degree for nothing as some may feel about theirs.

For those that suggest I move back in with Mum and Dad - yes it is a viable option, and both welcome me back at any time. I do miss home from time to time as well - I always feel a great nostalgia when I visit. However, if I were to move home I would have to drop all of my financial income and then be in a real pickle! Who knows how long it would take me to find another job that pays a half-decent amount...
 
Eddzz!! said:
Thank you all for the responses! To all those that are wondering, I did my English degree not necessarily because I thought I'd find a career directly related to it as such, but because it was a subject that I found (and still do find) very interesting and is a qualification that could potentially take me in many different directions. I don't feel as though I did my degree for nothing as some may feel about theirs.

For those that suggest I move back in with Mum and Dad - yes it is a viable option, and both welcome me back at any time. I do miss home from time to time as well - I always feel a great nostalgia when I visit. However, if I were to move home I would have to drop all of my financial income and then be in a real pickle! Who knows how long it would take me to find another job that pays a half-decent amount...
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Well, that's a start! I'd say that moving in with your parents again would be a mistake, if it means giving up your job. You could end up in even more of a rut if it doesn't work out, and regreting the decision.

Alternatives? Photography generally seems to offer two choices. Self employed, or salaried. A lot (most) of wedding, portrait and photojournalists are self employed/freelance which offers opportunities to enter the profession, and some challenges to overcome. Full time positions are available, but usually require some sort of tertiary qualification in photography.

The police offer a reasonable career path, but it's more difficult to get in than it used to be. Talk to them if you're interested. Armed forces? All three services have photographic branches.

If I were in your postion, I think I'd be looking for freelance photographic opportunities (weddings, portraits, events, sports and so on) on a part time basis, if you have some experience. If not, get it. Keep your job, salary and security and see how it goes for a while. You can get more advice about this, and how to avoid the obvious pitfalls, on the forums.
 
onomatopoeia said:
An awful lot of people go to university having no idea what career they want to follow and study a subject because it interests them. This is not a new thing, it was true when I was an undergraduate (1988-1991). I knew what I wanted to do, but many did not.
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This. And this is why I went to University. I went to study something I was passionate about and interested in.

Am I still paying off my debts - yes.
Am I in a job that relates to my degree - no.
Regrets? None.

In my final year, I completed a internship at a publishing company which was very loosely based on my degree. Got offered a job there after University, stayed for 3 years and moved onto a bigger publisher.

My advice to the OP:
Try and whittle it down to the things in general life that you enjoy / are good at. Sound obvious, but it will help. Even things that might be considered a negative, for instance I'm a control freak - but it means I'm an alright project manager :thumbs:

Good luck to you, and try and stay positive. Also, if you don't already, do some exercise of some sort. Clears your head.
 
I feel like I am in a Career rut, just can't seem to find a way out of the job I am in (without a big drop in salary).

Unfortunately being in the real world is basically work - pay bills - get new bills. Most of us live in the now and find planning for the future hard.

So I try and fill my spare time with as much fun stuff as I can to alleviate the pain :) A new job will come around I am sure.
 
You have a degree, two jobs, a girlfriend and somewhere to live, presumably warm and comfortable, or at least more-so than living on the streets penniless.

I'm sorry you feel your life is going nowhere and you hate your job(s) but you know what, I guess there are quite a few like you up and down the country and they are probably saddled with a mortgage/kids so have no escape at all because of their (self made) comittments.

Man up, chuck your current situation or dont, the future is up to you and no self help internet group is going to drive you into a well-paid interesting rewarding job. Sorry, that's harsh but that's life, cossetting ends after Uni, time to become an adult I'm afraid.

Matt
 
MatBin said:
You have a degree, two jobs, a girlfriend and somewhere to live, presumably warm and comfortable, or at least more-so than living on the streets penniless.

I'm sorry you feel your life is going nowhere and you hate your job(s) but you know what, I guess there are quite a few like you up and down the country and they are probably saddled with a mortgage/kids so have no escape at all because of their (self made) comittments.

Man up, chuck your current situation or dont, the future is up to you and no self help internet group is going to drive you into a well-paid interesting rewarding job. Sorry, that's harsh but that's life, cossetting ends after Uni, time to become an adult I'm afraid.

Matt
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What a useless, pedantic post.
Some people use forums as catharsis, others feel it's worth telling people to 'man up'...
 
PMK said:
What a useless, pedantic post.
Some people use forums as catharsis, others feel it's worth telling people to 'man up'...
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So are we all supposed to feel so sorry for him, give him a shoulder to cry on and pat his head so it all feels better.
He's an intelligent boy, else he wouldnt have an English degree, he needs to grab the future with both hands and get on with it. I'm sorry if you feel my post was of no help to him, I'm sure he'll do much beter wallowing in self pity.
 
PMK said:
This. And this is why I went to University. I went to study something I was passionate about and interested in.

Am I still paying off my debts - yes.
Am I in a job that relates to my degree - no.
Regrets? None.

In my final year, I completed a internship at a publishing company which was very loosely based on my degree. Got offered a job there after University, stayed for 3 years and moved onto a bigger publisher.

My advice to the OP:
Try and whittle it down to the things in general life that you enjoy / are good at. Sound obvious, but it will help. Even things that might be considered a negative, for instance I'm a control freak - but it means I'm an alright project manager :thumbs:

Good luck to you, and try and stay positive. Also, if you don't already, do some exercise of some sort. Clears your head.
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I have found exercise good for just that! Despite my current lackluster day-to-day, I do try and fill my spare time with things that I enjoy...

Saviola said:
Unfortunately being in the real world is basically work - pay bills - get new bills. Most of us live in the now and find planning for the future hard.

So I try and fill my spare time with as much fun stuff as I can to alleviate the pain :) A new job will come around I am sure.
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... I pay the bills and then at the end of the work day I go home and forget about going back to the office in the morning! Perhaps I shouldn't though? Perhaps I should be thinking more practically and laying out some kind of 'plan' for the future? I may have unwittingly fallen into a trap by living life the way I do! :bonk:

MatBin said:
You have a degree, two jobs, a girlfriend and somewhere to live, presumably warm and comfortable, or at least more-so than living on the streets penniless.

I'm sorry you feel your life is going nowhere and you hate your job(s) but you know what, I guess there are quite a few like you up and down the country and they are probably saddled with a mortgage/kids so have no escape at all because of their (self made) comittments.

Man up, chuck your current situation or dont, the future is up to you and no self help internet group is going to drive you into a well-paid interesting rewarding job. Sorry, that's harsh but that's life, cossetting ends after Uni, time to become an adult I'm afraid.

Matt
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Thanks for the response. I'm by no means on this forum for a 'self-help' morale boost but to seek the advice of those older and wiser than me that have been through my situation. I apologise if that offends you.
 
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Eddzz!! said:
Thanks for the response. I'm by no means on this forum for a 'self-help' morale boost but to seek the advice of those older and wiser than me that have been through my situation. I apologise if that offends you.
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Doesnt offend me at all, I'm giving you what you asked for, advice from someone older and wiser (possibly). Life sucks at times and you do jobs you hate, then you get hacked off and move on to something else but no-one is going to be able to tell you exactly how to resolve your current situation. Uni should have taught you how to think for yourself. Sometimes the kindest advice is the harshest and the one you dont want to hear.
 
Do you have the job or do you hate the realization of 4 weeks off a year, working 9 - 5 5 days a week (or more) for the next 40 years?

I have this hatred and want to do something else for a few weeks everywhere, normally when I'm not enjoying my job.

Do you hate the job or hate the people?

I worked in IKEA for 6 years and loved it. All I did was the equivalent of the backroom people at Argos, but did some development became a forklift truck driver and did other stuff. The reason I loved it was the people I worked with. The reason I began to hate it was the management or lack of and the change in style of management (not the IKEA way).

What don't you like about the job? A lot of jobs are pretty boring, but the people make it great fun.

Its time for Pros/Cons of staying, your strengths/weakness, I enjoy/I don't enjoy charts

There are so many varied jobs in any field it is untrue, you need to think about it long and hard to think about what you want to do.

Small business = varied opportunity - people can be hit/miss
Big business = mundane with some chance for progression - more chance for social scene
 
do dentistry - government pays graduates their fees and a stipend you got a 2:1
 
To one extent or another we all get stuck in ruts.
Traditionally an English degree was as good as any other as a leg up in almost any management career.
It is perhaps more difficult today, when a business degree is perhaps more universally useful.

never- the -less any good degree still is a mark of achievement, but is no more than a starting point at a level above the basic manual and clerical grades.

Your problem is not having a target... and when shooting with out a target it is near impossible to hit one.

You need a target
a plan on how to achieve it
and the will and persistence to get there.

At the moment you seem to have none of them. which puts you at a serious disadvantage.

As an example after I was newly married with a small child. I wanted to move out of London and a rather stuck in the mud Job.
I decided I wanted to live in Tenterden Kent, near to my wifes family... This was the primary target. I wrote a CV that I felt would produce the sort of Job I would like. Truthful, but left out some skills that might attract the wrong employer.
I printed out 250 letters and sent them to Companies in a 20 mile radius of Tenterden. One of those letters was sent on to another company, not on my list, by a shareholder who had read my CV. the result... the start of a new position created for me.
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If you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, stomp down there and turn it on yourself.

You can do anything with the right motivation and attitude. Create your legacy.

Phil.
 
At least you have a job, I've just graduated with a First Class Bsc Pharmacology degree, and yet nobody wants to employ me as I have no experience (and neither does anyone else that I graduated with apart from a couple). I tried my best to get an industry placement for year 3, but after trying all year, and applying for about 30, writing letters, going to interviews etc I finally gave up a couple of weeks before term started as I realistically knew that the chance of me getting a position in that time was small due all the pharmaceutical and biotech companies cutting them back because of the recession.

So I've ended up getting an excellent degree that essentially is worth nothing as every job demands commercial/industrial lab experience, and even most basic jobs advertised for graduates demand it to be considered. I just seem to get rejected from every one!

The funny thing is that I have a pretty good idea of what I want to do and how to get there, but at the minute I'm stuck at the start as nobody will employ me! I'm looking at doing a funded PhD (which I was planning to do in a few years anyway) simply to get something to do (I just need to secure one which I am not having much luck with either!).
 
Why not save up and go travelling for a while, you never know what oppertunities might arise when you are in the southern hemisphere, thats where i'd be headed if i had my time over again
 
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