Open Apology

Steve

Steve

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.... Steve
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Not sure where to post this.

I've been diagnosed with a mental health condition including drug induced hallucinations and paranoia. I hasten to add the drug is prescription morphine...I'm not taking illegal drugs. The hallucinations are largely in the form of terrorists sending me codes through my radio alarm clock as a test that I have to decipher to alert the authorities, but also manifest themselves in other ways. At one point I was in conversation with the photographer Robert Frank and he was giving me instructions on how to start a photography odyssey called 'The Mancunians'. Robert Frank is still alive, but according to Wikipedia lives in Switzerland and not in my spare room, so I'm guessing this didn't really happen.

It seems so ridiculous writing this, but at the time it was all very real.

I've been taken off the morphine which is good for my mental health, but not so good for my pain relief. Coming off the morphine has made me a bit grouchy and irritable too, and that hasn't helped.

The reason for this post is to issue an open apology as I have been made aware that at certain low periods my behaviour has been unreasonable, and I have said and done things I now regret.

So I am writing this and posting it on all the forums I frequent to apologise for any hurt, upset or offence I may have caused. I've been advised against going over all my old posts to apologise individually as it's not good to dwell on past wrongs. Hence the blanket apology.
 
Jeez Steve that took some guts, whatever ails you I hope they can find you some relief without the side effects you mention above.
Best wishes for whatever the future brings you.

I see you won POTY 2013 (film), looks like whatever advise you've been receiving has worked well :)

Matt
 
Yeh. Brave man. Hope it all sorts out for the good.
 
Steve, I for one applaud you. :clap::clap::clap:
 
that must have been mighty hard to write and post.. I hope that whater it is that you needed the medication for mends itself soon.. take care and get well soon.
 
I have nothing but admiration for both your honesty, and courage in posting that Steve.

I sincerely hope that an alternative medication is forthcoming, and one that controls the physical pain, without the unpleasant side-effects of the morphine.

Take care, and my best wishes for the future.

Dave
 
Many thanks for the comments of support. They are greatly appreciated.

MatBin said:
I see you won POTY 2013 (film), looks like whatever advise you've been receiving has worked well :)

Matt
Click to expand...

No disrespect to Mr Frank, but he wasn't much help to be honest. Was very gear obsessed and just kept on talking about Leicas and what lenses to use. Given the choice, would have preferred Richard Avedon or Norman Parkinson for a chat :)
 
Best wishes Steve. I hope everything works out well for you (y)
 
I remember morphine trips... Like yours, prescription not recreational.

It's a fabulous drug for pain relief but I can VERY happily live without the hallucinations! Hope they manage to get you some decent pain relief that doesn't give you the heebies - I was lucky, I was only on the stuff for a very limited period.
 
Brave man posting that, best of luck Steve.
 
Well I buggered that up didn't i lol

As everyone else has said.... With added hugs x
 
That must have taken some guts to post. I've never been down the road of hallucinations etc personally, but I can only imagine how harrowing and troubling it is to deal with :)
I'm not hugging you though, that's too much :p
 
Forbiddenbiker said:
lol

Where you ok? ;)
Click to expand...


Lol yes thank you.. just one of those 'duh' moments... i liked Neil's post 110% but accidently quoted it... so when i was trying to say all the above ( as in what everyone else had already wrote) it looked like i just meant Neil's.... so i quickly deleted but now there's a blank quote!:arghh::D
 
Fair play to you for addressing past behaviour - and totally agree that the best thing now is to look forward and not dwell. Wish you the best of luck with finding a combination of treatment that suits you xx
 
I hope you are soon on the mend Steve.

It is fairly common for hallucinations and delusions to occur with the use of morphine. My husband is also being treated with opiate medication for chronic pain and suffered a frightening episode of paranoid delusions last year following a stressful episode necessitating psychiatric intervention. I'm a retired mental health nurse but having knowledge of the subject was of little help when it was so close to home. He is a lot better now thank goodness it but was a scarey time. He does have the odd blip now and again especially if under stress but not to the extent of last year.
 
Thanks for the kind comments everyone. It is re-assuring to know that it is not an uncommon reaction to morphine. I'm also lucky to have a loving and supportive family.

It is also oddly liberating to share the experience, and I think that's part of the stage of acceptance of the condition.
 
We're learning stuff from these words for sure I think Steve. Good on ya.


Cg_Girl said:
Lol yes thank you.. just one of those 'duh' moments... i liked Neil's post 110% but accidently quoted it... so when i was trying to say all the above ( as in what everyone else had already wrote) it looked like i just meant Neil's.... so i quickly deleted but now there's a blank quote!:arghh::D
Click to expand...

:D I so know those moments well... often acompanied by an over-clicked frozen browser moment here...doh! :facepalm:
 
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Steve said:
Thanks for the kind comments everyone. It is re-assuring to know that it is not an uncommon reaction to morphine. I'm also lucky to have a loving and supportive family.

It is also oddly liberating to share the experience, and I think that's part of the stage of acceptance of the condition.
Click to expand...

....I think that sharing it as you have is one of the best things you could do. It also helps everyone else to understand and tolerate such an unfortunate condition.

Through it all I hope you can retain a sense of humour and even extract something from your morphine 'trips'. Perhaps think of them as recreational experiences. I hope you understand that I'm not being flippant but simply suggesting additional ways to accept it and possibly turn it around. I hope I am making sense.
 
Well done for having the guts to say that Steve. I'm on morphine at the moment for a back problem and I'm also wanting to come off it as it's been affecting me mentally too. I've been in a foul mood for the last few months while I've been on it, obviously not as much as you as I've not been getting any outside help with my photography.

I sincerely hope you get alternative meds that help you with the pain without any side effects, you've been very brave to come out and explain, and apologise unnecessarily, your situation on here and other places. It's so much easier to bury your head in the sand and ignore everything going on.
 
Not an easy thing to post, been there myself for a similar reason and I applaud you for it.
Best of luck with future treatments mate, I hope it all comes good.
 
Just wanted to add my own respect and best wishes to everyone else's. That can't have been easy to write down and I hope that doing so has really helped you move forward.

I have read many of your replies and posts on here in the relatively short time I've been around, and can't say I would have taken offence at anything you've said. Public Internet forums are places where people post questions, opinions and stances on issues at their own peril, being prepared to take on the chin any and all responses they get back. If you've been more than frank in the past (due to your medication issues or just because you're obviously a bright guy with strong opinions and a great deal of experience) then so be it.

I applaud your honesty and strength in telling everyone about your issues. Very best wishes in finding a solution to your health problems and I look forward to more of your posts in the future. Stay strong.

Eta .... And as I'm a girl, I not bashful about sending <<<<<hugs>>>>>> too .....!

Sara
 
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