Nuisance calls

archangel

archangel

Suspended / Banned
Messages
5,024
Name
Mike
Edit My Images
No
As some of you may have read my previous post about six months ago regarding revenge on nuisance calls, I have had a sudden rise in these calls since last week.

So being the nice person I am I have continued to plot revenge.........

This week the callers (mostly English selling energy) have been met with greetings like.....


Good morning, Kent sexually transmitted disease centre, how can I help you?

Good morning, National Centre for Penile Dysfunction, how can I help you?

Good afternoon, national security central office, which incident to you wish to report....

"Are you the one having an affair with my missus?" Usually followed by them hanging up really quickly......

And my favorite at the moment.......

I would listen to their opening spiel and as soon as they took a breathe,I interrupted and asked "Do you realise you have rang me in Australia? Bet your boss will go mad when he sees the phone bill! Quick apologies and then they hang up.......


I really have too much time on my hands :D
 
When people claiming to be from Microsoft call me about a problem with my computer I usually say "Hey, you work for Microsoft! So do I, where do you work? I'm in the legal department."

I like to wind up people who call about my "recent car accident." I tell them I've suffered from amnesia since the accident.
"Can you give us more details?"
"About what?"
"Your accident."
"What accident?" and so on
 
Most of the calls I have accidentally answered recently (only one phone displays caller) have been "surveys " rather than sales. I now regard myself as a major opinion-former, even an internationally famous one! And you still can't beat "hang on and I'll go and get them for you" ............ ;)
 
I usually wait for them to take a breath then I'll say "You have a really sexy voice, where are you based? Could I take you out to dinner some time?"

The men usually hang up a lot quicker than the women!!
 
Last edited:
Pretending to be a bit deaf or completely hard of understanding is a good one. Wastes ages of their time :D
 
Start listening, then say you've just got to answer the door and ask them to hold on. Leave phone off the hook and let them run up the bill.
 
Don't often answer `caller withheld` & let the answer machine kick in before deciding whether to answer.
If I occasionally get caught or just want to waste their time, I sometimes tell them I'm not interested & to remove my details from their database, others I just put the phone on the arm of the sofa & let them rabbit on until they end the call.......& still leave it until that annoying screeching noise alerts you. At least it ties up one of their lines for about 4mins.

Any unsolicited calls that actually show a number on caller-display, just get put in as `Junk call`. I think we have about 10 atm.
 
srichards said:
Pretending to be a bit deaf or completely hard of understanding is a good one. Wastes ages of their time :D
Click to expand...

That's particularly effective and amusing when you know that it's one of the Ambulance Chasing solicitors companies ringing because they've got the list of people who used to work for the NCB (my dad was a Miner) and they're looking for Industrial Deafness Claims...
 
There is the one where you just reply "Yes" to every single one of their questions.

Nothing else, just "Yes".
 
overbez said:
There is the one where you just reply "Yes" to every single one of their questions.

Nothing else, just "Yes".
Click to expand...

If you throw in a random 'ooh squirrel' you can see if they're really paying attention ;)
 
srichards said:
Pretending to be a bit deaf or completely hard of understanding is a good one. Wastes ages of their time :D
Click to expand...

I can easily do that as I'm naturally hard of hearing. :D :naughty:

However, oddly, I actually very rarely get them cold phone calls - I must be one of the lucky ones. Unless it might be because my phone number has been ex-directory for as long as I can remember?
 
I've been getting a few recently from 'Microsoft from the Windows company'. Apparently my laptop is riddled with viruses. I lead them on for a little while before ...

'Oh my god you're right, I opened up internet explorer and I'm getting spammed with naked pictures of your dad with a ladyboy!!!!' , 'Please, help me get rid of them, they're BURNING MY EYES!!!!!'

Then I usually let on I'm running a Macbook Pro and hang up :).
 
overbez said:
There is the one where you just reply "Yes" to every single one of their questions.

Nothing else, just "Yes".
Click to expand...


NEVER say yes to any of their questions just in case they slip in a blindsider like "would you like to sign up for random annoying calls?"... If they ask me if they can ask me some questions, I tell them that they have asked one already and that I refuse to answer it.
 
My way with annoying calls normally consists of putting them on hold whilst playing some cheesy music, then occasionally answering them with "your call is important to me, please hold"
 
My Mother-Inlaw answers those calls in a deadpan tone...... Its done........but theres blood everywhere. Then hangs up
 
Just reading through some of these have made me laugh out loud, and I will be using some.

At the moment I'm getting about 5 calls a day from these Muppets trying to sell me a mobile phone contract. Depending on my mood and if I have time, I will wind them up. I did get caught 2 days ago. One phoned me up as we were coming out a restaurant. I snapped and asked him WHY? ffs, Why are you lot cold calling me all the time. The answer, because it's my f**king job, and hung up on ME :banana:

------------

Here's an all time classic :D

 
I don't answer any calls - landline or cellphone - unless a known name or number comes up. Anything else can go to voicemail, I'll call back if it's someone I want to speak with.
 
oh if it's a slow TV night you can have hours of fun..........

SO far...

Does it get dark at night there?
Please my name is "Oberon, King of the fairies," and insist they say it every time...
Ask them for their opinions on perverse sexual activities.....(including have they partaken in any such sordid act)

Basically anything to get off script and waste their time. Mrs Lynton detests me doing it, however having signed up to TPS back in about 2004, I consider anything fair game now...
 
I was visiting a friend when he got one of those calls. He listened to them and then said "Okay, but before we go any further...how about a song?" He then started bellowing the most tuneless version of My Way I've ever heard. The caller didn't last long.

His other trick when he gets "Microsoft" on the phone is to tell them he's a member of a religious cult that doesn't believe in technology. He tells them he hasn't got a computer, television, microwave or even a phone! When they keep on talking he tells them he can't hear them because he doesn't have a phone.

Can't wait for my next call :D
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top