You'll find all the answers in that book you've got (for others, Speedliter's Handbook by Syl Arena).
But my short answer to your question is to get a Lumiquest Quik Bounce,
learn about how light works, and apply that knowledge. IMHO it's the single best modifier you can put on a flash gun, very effective and versatile. Here
http://www.lumiquest.com/store/products/LumiQuest-Quik-Bounce.html Check the user review number 2
Start with this: How Light Works - the basics
The larger the light source, the softer the shadows. And size is relative to distance, eg sun is huge, but a very long way off, so the light is hard. In the same way, moving a softbox to the other side of the room makes it harder.
Remember that when you're bouncing flash, it's the bounce surface that becomes the new, and much larger, light source - eg Stofen does nothing by itself, because it's very small, but spreads the light all around where it bounces off ceiling/walls. But in addition, a Stofen also sends (hard) light directly to the subject so in effect you get two light sources in one. This is the working principle behind many diffuser accessories - Stofen, Fong, bounce-card (including the little HiLite panel that pulls out from the head of most hot-shoe guns, and also the Lumiquest Quik Bounce I linked above.
Flash is very sensitive to distance and follows the inverse square law - double the distance reduces the light to one quarter (two stops reduction). Basically, flash falls off more quickly than you may think.
Light bounces off a surface at the same angle it strikes, like a snooker/pool ball off the cushion.
Get your head around these basic principles, practise and apply them, and you'll be well on the way
