Madpup
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Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in
heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the
place. It
is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their
best
to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping
on a
duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along
comes
St.. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly
man.
He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first
woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for
all
eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.
Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes
on
... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to
you
for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
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Mr Cadbury & Miss Rowntree
>
>Mr. Cadbury and Miss Rowntree met on a Double Decker. It was After
Eight.
>She was from Quality Street; he was a Fisherman's Friend. On the way,
they
>stopped at a Yorkie bar, he had a Rum and Butter, she had a Wine Gum.
>
>He asked her name, 'Polo, I'm the one with the hole' she said. I'm the
one
>with the nuts' he thought! Then he touched her Milky Way. They checked
in,
>and went straight to the bedroom. Mr. Cadbury turned out the light for
a
>bit
>of Black Magic. It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her
Snickers
>and felt her Cream Egg. He fondled her Flap Jacks then he showed her
his
>Curly Wurly and Tic-Tacs. Miss Rowntree wasn't keen to have any more
Jelly
>Babies, so she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard. He was
>pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge. It was a Magic Moment as
she
>let out a scream of Turkish Delight. When he pulled out, his fun size
Mars
>bar felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted more, he needed Time Out. He
noticed
>her
>Pink Wafers looked very appetising. He did a Twirl, had a Picnic in her
>Sherbet and finished off by giving her a Gob Stopper!
>
>Unfortunately, Mr. Cadbury then had to go home to his wife, Caramel.
Sadly
>he was soon to discover he had VD. It turned out Miss Rowntree had been
>with All Sorts!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his 25th wedding anniversary.
His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat".
The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for this Thursday
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in
heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the
place. It
is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their
best
to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping
on a
duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along
comes
St.. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly
man.
He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first
woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for
all
eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.
Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes
on
... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to
you
for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr Cadbury & Miss Rowntree
>
>Mr. Cadbury and Miss Rowntree met on a Double Decker. It was After
Eight.
>She was from Quality Street; he was a Fisherman's Friend. On the way,
they
>stopped at a Yorkie bar, he had a Rum and Butter, she had a Wine Gum.
>
>He asked her name, 'Polo, I'm the one with the hole' she said. I'm the
one
>with the nuts' he thought! Then he touched her Milky Way. They checked
in,
>and went straight to the bedroom. Mr. Cadbury turned out the light for
a
>bit
>of Black Magic. It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her
Snickers
>and felt her Cream Egg. He fondled her Flap Jacks then he showed her
his
>Curly Wurly and Tic-Tacs. Miss Rowntree wasn't keen to have any more
Jelly
>Babies, so she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard. He was
>pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge. It was a Magic Moment as
she
>let out a scream of Turkish Delight. When he pulled out, his fun size
Mars
>bar felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted more, he needed Time Out. He
noticed
>her
>Pink Wafers looked very appetising. He did a Twirl, had a Picnic in her
>Sherbet and finished off by giving her a Gob Stopper!
>
>Unfortunately, Mr. Cadbury then had to go home to his wife, Caramel.
Sadly
>he was soon to discover he had VD. It turned out Miss Rowntree had been
>with All Sorts!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his 25th wedding anniversary.
His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat".
The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for this Thursday
ROFL
