Living with somebody you just don’t get along with during lockdown

gilbouk

gilbouk

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As the title suggests I’m finding it difficult living with a housemate who is unrelated to me. What used to be an arrangement that worked due to both having busy ‘away from home’ lifestyles is becoming unbearable to the point of biting one’s lip clean off.

Anybody got any recommendations on how to ease the strain? I’ve set up my computer in my room and try to spend as much time there as I can. I just try to avoid her.

Probably not the best place to talk about it but it lets off a bit it steam just typing this.....
 
Tricky one. The fact is neither of you can do anything about it at the moment, so you have to make it work somehow. That's easy to say but you'll live longer if you can find away. Or go in the garden and scream
 
PS Apologies to those that have a lot tougher things going on at the moment. I’m sure this thread will probably annoy you and I’d like to apologise as I know there’s a lot going on at the moment for people
 
There's a few on here that might fall into @gilbouk 's scenario ;):LOL::LOL::LOL:
 
I put up with a woman in my house for far too many years. I divorced her in the end. ::woot:

I feel for you, it is hard. You have two choices; try and deal with it or put her under the patio. ;)
 
Sky said:
I put up with a woman in my house for far too many years. I divorced her in the end. ::woot:

I feel for you, it is hard. You have two choices; try and deal with it or put her under the patio. ;)
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It’s the whole passive aggressive thing... filling up the dish washer and I mention it’s almost full and then she spends half an hour shifting things around and then says there’s actually lots of room if it had been filled properly with a fake laugh to follow!! And the list of similar digs goes on!!
 
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I don’t rise to it!! Just ignore her
 
I know it’s petty really and I do feel for people who have lost loved ones and are dealing with much harder times at the moment
 
There's an easy fix for that; stop putting anything in the dishwasher for a couple of days. You can say; 'As you're so much better at it than me, I'll let you do it.' ;)

Have you tried talking about it or are you both just letting each other stew? It's probably just as bad for her.
 
"marriage is not a triumph of happiness, its a triumph of character"

Jordan Peterson

ok you're not married but you may as well be so I think the sentiment is applicable

I mean, its not like you can leave so its a forced trial of character....:D
 
Sky said:
There's an easy fix for that; stop putting anything in the dishwasher for a couple of days. You can say; 'As you're so much better at it than me, I'll let you do it.' ;)

Have you tried talking about it or are you both just letting each other stew? It's probably just as bad for her.
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Didn't think of it. I normally do the dishwasher duty - fill and empty as she has a bad back.

I think she would spin it on it's head and make it all of my fault and I'm not great with those sort of face-to-face situations.

Add a third house mate (and almost half a dozen cats) into the mix who's a good friend of mine and the owner of the property, there's all sort of back stabbing going on and I guess we are both as guilty of that as each other. I may just have to make a point of avoiding her more and hope that the lockdown will free up sometime soon
 
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joxby said:
"marriage is not a triumph of happiness, its a triumph of character"

Jordan Peterson

ok you're not married but you may as well be so I think the sentiment is applicable

I mean, its not like you can leave so its a forced trial of character....:D
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That's a very good sentiment actually, thanks!! Will keep that in mind :-)
 
I worked in catering for over thirty years, and learned the clean as you go method. I still do that around the house today. After each meal I wash the dishes and put them away, wipe surfaces down then put things away. Same around the house, have a simple cleaning method and stick to it. You and your housemate could agree to clean as you go, tidy up after you and don't leave a mess. Clean dishes after you have used them, don't just bung them in the dishwasher and leave it all to pile up.

The thing is, you both need to agree to keep things clean and tidy. :)
 
gilbouk said:
I may just have to make a point of avoiding her more and hope that the lockdown will free up sometime soon
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I've been in similar positions from time to time. Nothing is guaranteed to fix the problem in my experience. As you can't easily change the situation by moving out, the best solution is the one you're using at the moment. The less you interact the less you'll annoy each other.
 
Don't apologise for posting this, it's clearly an issue for you and even if just posting on here relieves the pressure for a while then that's fine. Two options come to mind, firstly, if at all possible just look after your own things, hand wash, dry and put away your own pots and pans for example so you don't get involved in dishwasher politics. You can even explain that you are struggling with the communal situation and that is what you are doing.

The alternative is to do more than your share, that may seem unfair but for example, why mention the dishwasher is almost full, why not just put it on when you think it needs t go on. I've got my two young adult kids at home and they do 10%, if that, of chores compared to my wife and I, we do ask them to do things from time to time but they have the standards of teenagers and most of the time it's not worth the trouble of asking them so we do the bulk of the cooking, washing, cleaning. Under normal circumstances I would get them to do more but everyone is finding this hard and for a quiet life I just get on do what needs doing. TBH I think they kind of get it and hopefully feel at least a little guilty that the job got done before they even thought of doing it
 
jonbeeza said:
I worked in catering for over thirty years, and learned the clean as you go method. I still do that around the house today. After each meal I wash the dishes and put them away, wipe surfaces down then put things away. Same around the house, have a simple cleaning method and stick to it. You and your housemate could agree to clean as you go, tidy up after you and don't leave a mess. Clean dishes after you have used them, don't just bung them in the dishwasher and leave it all to pile up.

The thing is, you both need to agree to keep things clean and tidy. :)
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I hear you, and I do do more than my fair share given she's got a bad back, but she doesn't do hers and often leaves me messages in the way of bleach on the toilet lid suggesting it's my turn. She's often leaving pans on the stove from days before, and I wash them to use them, then wash them again afterwards. I think I just need to grow a set of balls. Just trying to keep the peace. She's supposed to have moved out before this whole pandemic came about, but delays led to more delays and she's just contributed to a new kitchen white good, so goodness knows how long she intents to stay.

AndrewFlannigan said:
I've been in similar positions from time to time. Nothing is guaranteed to fix the problem in my experience. As you can't easily change the situation by moving out, the best solution is the one you're using at the moment. The less you interact the less you'll annoy each other.
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I think this may be the solution once this is all over, move back into my own space :). I don't think anything I do will ultimately make things all better - but I do hope she moves out - in which case I won't need to move

sirch said:
Don't apologise for posting this, it's clearly an issue for you and even if just posting on here relieves the pressure for a while then that's fine. Two options come to mind, firstly, if at all possible just look after your own things, hand wash, dry and put away your own pots and pans for example so you don't get involved in dishwasher politics. You can even explain that you are struggling with the communal situation and that is what you are doing.

The alternative is to do more than your share, that may seem unfair but for example, why mention the dishwasher is almost full, why not just put it on when you think it needs t go on. I've got my two young adult kids at home and they do 10%, if that, of chores compared to my wife and I, we do ask them to do things from time to time but they have the standards of teenagers and most of the time it's not worth the trouble of asking them so we do the bulk of the cooking, washing, cleaning. Under normal circumstances I would get them to do more but everyone is finding this hard and for a quiet life I just get on do what needs doing. TBH I think they kind of get it and hopefully feel at least a little guilty that the job got done before they even thought of doing it
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Yes, I may just follow your suggestion and do my own washing and drying immediately after use. Also I will be more vocal about the things I do - she makes a point of saying what she has done, and I don't say out loud what I've done. Like cleaning up her pots, or cleaning the kitchen floor, etc etc. She has a habit of saying what she wants to do, but saying she can't do it because of her back and asking me to do it with a suggestion of doing it right then. I normally say I'll maybe do it when I have time, and I always get the impression she thinks I'm not doing my fair share.

I think the whole problem started when I got a sore tummy from food she cooked up - I later discovered she likes to use tinned food with expiry dates from back as early as 2011 and freezing discounted 'whoopsie' food for far longer than the recommended date, and using 'soup maintenance' where it's heated up, cooled, more stuff added, heated up, cooled etc etc. I now don't take food and I think she takes offence, I have a rather fragile tummy when it comes to food at the best of times, so it's not worth the risk. I often clean the pots before cooking my own food as they are never clean enough. So her generous offerings of ‘help yourself to my out of date stuff’ which I never take up, and obviously me not sharing my stuff has lead to a bit of friction - and she doesn't seem to understand because she still keeps offering food & meals even although I've explained the situation. Similarly when I have guests she is keen to offer them up stuff I wouldn't have and I've had to say to my guests to check the dates and of course she takes offence to that. I just need to remember to remind friends on each visit to be aware as I'm sure they would be shocked if they ended up eating steak from generations of cows that have long been forgotten. Some vintage wines are younger!!

At least talking about it has helped me, it's kind of therapeutic - I hope she doesn't find this thread though....
 
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Eat her food. Have the Sh..:puke:....s leave her to clean it up. Problem solved with the food offerings!
 
Marry the bitch ,it sounds Like a fairly normal relationship , she will be cheap to keep I.e old food etc ,
 
This all sounds sadly familiar, arguments become tit for tat.. Things are bad for me, oh no they are worse for me is the retort...

She does everything, I take her for granted! Who does the recycling? clean the bathrooms? the hoovering? Ironing bedsheets?

I seek solace in TP
 
Things that could possibly help...

- Try talking about things and find common ground or at least agree a truce.
- Try to rise above it.
- See these annoying things as charming idiosyncrasies and eccentricities. But I doubt that'll work :D
- Embrace this and see it as a challenge! Out passive aggress her!!
- Practice meditation.
- Introduce her to someone rich in Uzbekistan you found on facebook.
- Start wearing her clothes because she smells "So Good."
- Tell her you can no longer keep your feelings to yourself. Tell her you want her, you've always wanted her and you must have her. Hopefully she'll be out the door before you finish.
- Tell her you want to be known as Ezekiel from now on and read passages from the bible in a loud voice, also practice your mad eyes look and glare at her whilst shouting from the bible.
- Fart a lot.

If you do these things stop every few minutes to check she's still there. If she's gone you can stop,
 
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Start learning the recorder or the harmonica .
but don’t get good at it
 
I've been married 34 years and still haven't got my dishwasher loading badge.
 
gilbouk said:
As the title suggests I’m finding it difficult living with a housemate who is unrelated to me. What used to be an arrangement that worked due to both having busy ‘away from home’ lifestyles is becoming unbearable to the point of biting one’s lip clean off.

Anybody got any recommendations on how to ease the strain? I’ve set up my computer in my room and try to spend as much time there as I can. I just try to avoid her.

Probably not the best place to talk about it but it lets off a bit it steam just typing this.....
Click to expand...

This thread may not have helped you much, but it has given the rest of us a bloody good laugh.

Why not just print out the entire thread and give it to your housemate.

PS. Don't forget to post a report on her reaction. :giggle:

Good luck.
 
woof woof said:
She doesn't read this forum does she by any chance? Maybe looking over your shoulder?
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I've been paranoid she might be - as I left my phone in the kitchen and I'm sure I got email notifications with the thread title while I was away..... eeek
 
arclight said:
This thread may not have helped you much, but it has given the rest of us a bloody good laugh.

Why not just print out the entire thread and give it to your housemate.

PS. Don't forget to post a report on her reaction. :giggle:

Good luck.
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Lol, it's given me a good laugh too I have to admit!! Definitely lightened the mood and made me realise I'm just going to approach this with a do not care attitude - as it's not going to help taking things too serious!! Wait till you hear tonights update!!
 
woof woof said:
Things that could possibly help...

- Try talking about things and find common ground or at least agree a truce.
- Try to rise above it.
- See these annoying things as charming idiosyncrasies and eccentricities. But I doubt that'll work :D
- Embrace this and see it as a challenge! Out passive aggress her!!
- Practice meditation.
- Introduce her to someone rich in Uzbekistan you found on facebook.
- Start wearing her clothes because she smells "So Good."
- Tell her you can no longer keep your feelings to yourself. Tell her you want her, you've always wanted her and you must have her. Hopefully she'll be out the door before you finish.
- Tell her you want to be known as Ezekiel from now on and read passages from the bible in a loud voice, also practice your mad eyes look and glare at her whilst shouting from the bible.
- Fart a lot.

If you do these things stop every few minutes to check she's still there. If she's gone you can stop,
Click to expand...

This had be in stitches!! Up until Practice meditation seemed like good advice, but I'm not sure about the rest :rolleyes:o_O
 
Part 1

So I get come home and she asks if I have been upstairs to the bathroom yet. I say no - she says that she had to smother the bathroom in bleach because of pink fungus - suggesting it's my fault for not seeing to it sooner. I go upstairs and find no bleach but instead find this in the bath with no signs of any attempt to cleaning which she mentions. Further more another bottle of bleach on a closed toiled, and a tooth brush and scourer on the edge of the bath for the tiles. The truth of the story is that she had been for a long soak in the bath, and afterwards just left the water drain away. Since she's a rather large women - there was quite a build up of scum and hairs on the bath from her single use. Rather than rinsing the bath so it's clean and ready for when I want to use the shower - she does this!!
61031680425__414A0FF7-856E-4616-865C-826B6957D143.jpeg
 
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