Little Johnny 18+

[Ally]

Mummy takes little johnny to the zoo. As they pass the elephant cage, the elephant has an erection."whats that mummy?" asks the child."Nothing, johnny, nothing" says the embarrassed mother, swiftly leading him on. A week later johnny's dad takes him to the zoo and the same thing happens."What's that daddy?""that son is the elephants penis""mummy said it was nothing""well, your mother's spoilt son!"

 

[chrisc]

lol very good

 

[chrisc]

One day the teacher walked to the back of the room where Johnny was, and he had his hand down his pants.

The Teacher asked, "Johnny, what are you doing?"

Then, Johnny said, "It hurts down there."

"Well then, you need to go to the nurse and see if you can go home", said the teacher.

A little while later, Johnny came back to classroom and sat back down.

Then the teacher came to the back of the room again, and he had his **** haging out of his pants.

The teacher said, "Johnny, what's that doing hanging out of your pants?!"

Then Johnny said, "My mommy said if I can stick it out until noon, she'll come and pick me up."

 

[chrisc]

and one more

Little Johnny sees his mother walk out of the shower and sees her vagina.

He asks her what it is and she embarassed replies, "Oh, that's mommy's black sponge."

A few days later, Johnny spills a glass of milk on the floor and says, "Mommy, I need your black sponge to mop up the milk!"

She replies, "I lost it, honey."

A couple of days later, he comes running up to her and says, "Mommy, I found your black sponge!" Mystified, she says, "Where, honey?"

Little Johnny says, "It's over at Mrs. Johnson's house, and Daddy's washing his face in it!"

 

[dod]

Ooops

 

[jewel]

ROFLMAO @ all three but the last one, omg!!! I can't stop laughing,lol

 

[Canon Bob]

Johnny......"Mummy, is the au pair bionic?"

Mummy....."Of course not Johnny. What makes you think that?"

Johnny....."I just heard daddy telling uncle Arthur that he'd screwed the arse off her"

 

[Fixedwheelnut]

An English teacher gives her class homework for the weekend;
"I want you all to put the word 'contagious' into a sentence for me on Monday morning"

On Monday she asks how they got on and a flurry of hands go up
[teacher] "Mary lets hear yours"
"My brother has flu at the moment and that is contagious" she replied

[Teacher] "well done Mary, how about you David?"
"Long ago in London a Great Plague killed thousands of people as it was very contagious"

{Teacher] "well done very good, how about you Murphy?"

[Irish accent]"Well our nex door naybor is paintin de outside of his house wid a two inch brosh, and my farder says its goin to take de cont ages"