Leaving the UK - advice needed

Anton17

Anton17

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This is a large weight I've been carrying on my shoulders for a while now and I'm not expecting much in replies but I feel I need to get it out. Sorry for the "bare your soul" type thread.

I guess a bit of background is in order. I'm 19 right now and this time last year I was living in Cyprus with a friend while working as a musician on the nights playing in a guitar duo around bars and restaurants. It was alright for a while but things turned sour and I ended up coming back home to England. It felt great to be back for a while then it started to slowly wear me down. I bought a motorbike and got/lost a couple of bar jobs and money was wearing thin with pressure at home with parent's jobs in question. In December I had a bike accident and had two months off after an operation on my knee and since then I've been working as an industrial temp to get some cash.

During this time I have decided I don't really think I can stay in England. I can't see any type of future for myself and don't really see it likely that I could be happy here. I understand this is much the philosophy of "the grass is greener..." but it's a feeling I can't seem to shake. :shake:

I have a huge reluctance to pursue education since after spending two years at college I'm not sure I could put myself through that again. This is a bit of a controversial generalisation but the impression I get is that an overwhelming percentage of students don't go to Uni for the degree but more for the experience and social life. I've never been much of a 'party person' and I feel like I would be staying in limbo rather than moving on and progressing. I'd be going purely for a bit of paper to say I've done something and the cost of that in more than terms of finance seems too steep to pay. I fear after attempting it I'd simply drop out and be back to square one.

On reading up on immigration it seems almost impossible to enter a country outside of the EU with the intention to stay. This is the area I seem to have the most trouble with since there is such a mass of information on the subject I can't possibly get one straight answer out of researching possibilities. I'd love to move to America since the huge continent means there must be some potential there but laws on immigration are tight as a lock.

I've been mulling over the above for about 5 months now while working in a car parts warehouse for the cash and I feel completely out of my depth and trapped. The past few weeks it has really started to grind me down and I'm at a point now where I'm starting to lose stability. I understand paying your dues but it's the lack of a plan that scares me the most. I'm not sure where my life is going which makes it that much harder to stay on the straight and narrow in the present.

The only sort of consolation I have is that there is a 3 month volunteering program based in the Grand Canyon in Arizona doing conservationist work. I think the cost is around £2000 and it's very appealing to me and feel I am probably going to end up pursuing it and leaving either around October or at the start of next year. The negative is that it's only for 3 months and I'd still have to end up coming back to be in the same position only without the job I have now.

I understand this is a bit of a pathetic thread but I'm at a loss of what else to do with myself. I've lost motivation and I don't even feel like going out with the camera. I don't even feel like I can use a carrot and stick technique to keep me going as I seem to have lost the carrot. :bang:

Since there's a lot of people on here I've seen that have moved from the UK for large periods of time or do it every now and then I thought it was worth a shot and trying to get some advice on what to do from you guys. If you've ever been in a similar position I'd love to know what you did.

Any responses are appreciated and I acknowledge that I'm probably just looking for some words of encouragement to keep going, but I guess I'm just biting the bullet. :shake:

Thank you.
 
My 2p. I dont think immigration is the thing you need. What is your plan when you do emmigrate? Will you not be just as lost in another country as you are in this one?

I was like you when I was about 19/20. I went straight into full time employment as I wrote off education as a waste of time. Then I began to get restless and skipped around europe for a few years. But I ultimately ended back in the UK in the exact same job as before, a little wiser and with some great memories. Then I decided to explore photography more, within a couple of months I had applied to do a full time course and went part time. It was daunting going back into education after 6 years but I did it. I now have a plan for the future and believe me that is so much more fufilling than spending a summer in another country partying.

Education might not be the correct route and there are a lot of people that just go to uni to avoid employment. But you seem to have worked this out so why not pick a course that you really want to do? Then make a wee plan for yourself for the future. You could even grab a few months back in Cyprus before you start? ;)

Just my suggestion, there are far more older and wiser people on this forum!
 
I left the UK and lived in Greece for 8 years in 1990. Was the best time I ever had and I got so much out of it. I don't regret coming back either so best of both worlds really. I only had basic qualifications so when I got back I took a minimum wage job and have studied part time while I worked full time and now earn a decent salary.

As for the volunteering, I know a couple of people who have done this over in the states and it was quite an unpleasant experience for both of them. One went to Alaska and the other went somewhere near Texas. Both had to pay for the experience and both were treated quite badly. no days off, poor food and accomodation etc so be careful who you volunteer for. VSO might be a good organisation to look into.

Hope you find something suitable.
 
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I really wouldn't spend £2k on "volunteering" for anyone - it isn't going to solve any of your problems and you will end up back in the UK, £2k or more lighter and still no long term plan.

What is it that is making you want to emmigrate? Moving to a new country will definately be a change but it's not a plan in itself. What do you envisage doing when you get there?

If you are serious about going abroad at least do something productive - one of my mates went to Egypt and was taught how to be a scuba diving instructor - he then worked for the company taking diving courses / tours etc. He got some very useful qualifications and had a fantastic time.
 
Have you considered BUNAC? It's a student work visa that will get you to most countries.

I looked at emmigrating to the States, but as you said, the process is a nightmare. We came to Canada instead and love it here. What are your long term goals for emmigrating? You would need to work to support yourself - what would you do? Here in Canada, you need some form of education to be able to do most things so would potentially have to consider the education route in your chosen country.
 
Reading you post I'm not sure the problem is where you are geographically, it might be more where you are in your life. You are dissatisfied with what you are doing at the moment and cannot see a way to change or improve that, other than a vague notion that things might be better in another country but with no real plan. Loss of motivation, even to do things you enjoy, is not a good sign.

To me you sound depressed. Real depression is not a phase you go through or something you will eventually snap out of, it's a real illness that requires treatment as much as any physical ailment. I know, I've been there and got the T-shirt. However, that doesn't make me an expert by any means and I may be totally wrong about you. Nethertheless I'd be inclined to visit your GP to talk this over. He/she will, if necessary, refer you to the right people. It's something I wish I'd done much sooner than I did.

Good luck, let us know how you get on.
 
First of all, thank you to everyone for your replies. I think a good portion of my problem is my tendency not to talk about myself which means I don't get the opportunity to receive advice on a scale such as this. I appreciate your ideas and support and I am most certainly taking them seriously - your responses mean a lot. :)

If you don't want to read the mass of text below, I'll summarise:

- I'm interested in Uni and have started to fill out a UCAS application but I'm daunted by the process and I'm not sure if I am eligible to take an undergraduate degree. My education so far other than GCSE level is simply a Btec National Diploma in Music. I might be wrong but I think that equates to about 200-240 UCAS tariff points but I don't know whether it's valid on applying for courses. Would I even get accepted? Personal statement: argh!

- I would be taking the three month volunteering program in America as more of a personal experience, to meet people and just for something to look forward to and do. If I decide to follow to Uni route, it may help my application. It's something that tempts me, but the cost and lack of a long term solution is what is holding me back.

- minimeeze, talk to me! :lol: I'm really interested in hearing more back from you.

Vic said:
It was daunting going back into education after 6 years but I did it. I now have a plan for the future and believe me that is so much more fufilling than spending a summer in another country partying.

Education might not be the correct route and there are a lot of people that just go to uni to avoid employment. But you seem to have worked this out so why not pick a course that you really want to do?
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I understand that changing countries is not my only potential solution though the possible alternatives are quite limiting (at least to fulfilling my personal needs). Although I stated I was against getting back into education I do have to acknowledge it as an option, even if it were just to aid me in immigration (hard as hell to leave without having major qualifications). The thing I don't like from a psychological standpoint is that going to University feels like it's the only option I am left with.

I have, however, today started pursuing it as a realistic choice. I don't know whether it is a good idea but with a lack of other options I may as well try and consider it. I have applied for prospectuses from a few different Unis and gotten halfway through my UCAS application. Having said this, I seem to have encountered a stone in the road when I got as far as my personal statement. I still don't really know what kind of a course I'd want to take, or even I'd even be able to. I am interested in Psychology and Philosophy and have chosen those subjects for my options but I have no previous relative experience to either of them. In terms of relating that to my personal statement, I have no solid ground. I doubt I would be offered a placement by a University with this in mind. The whole applying to a University process is a little bit daunting so I may have to start a separate thread. :help:

photon said:
An alternative to the £2K "holiday": http://www.vso.org.uk/volunteer/youth/youth-for-development.asp
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I have had several people recommend VSO to me and though it sounds appealing it also has it's own requirements. It states you need to have some sort of degree/qualification that they recognise and want and also have experience in volunteering prior, of which I have neither. :shrug:

Along the same notes of volunteering I doubt I would be a very good teacher or social worker and so I would look more to conservationist activities, and these seem either non-existent, don't provide any form of paid work (like VSO offer) or they are simply far too expensive or don't allow enough time.

Daysleeper40 said:
If you are serious about going abroad at least do something productive - one of my mates went to Egypt and was taught how to be a scuba diving instructor - he then worked for the company taking diving courses / tours etc. He got some very useful qualifications and had a fantastic time.
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I'd love to try something that worked like that but finding out about these kinds of things feels a bit like golfing in the dark. A lot of people have said to me that things are much easier once you are in a place and the opportunities present themselves, but what if I get there and there's nothing available? I think it's this fear that daunts me the most. I know part of biting the bullet just involves diving in and doing it but I feel without a plan it is likely to be destined to fail. I am willing to take chances of a risk for a greater good, but in physical terms they are expensive. I literally can't afford to take a chance on something and have it not work; if I left for somewhere, couldn't find a job/accommodation and had to return back to the UK I'd be left with no financial security and, I assume, a bit broken from the experience. I think these are the issues troubling me the most when trying to think about what to do.

minimeeze said:
Have you considered BUNAC? It's a student work visa that will get you to most countries.

I looked at emmigrating to the States, but as you said, the process is a nightmare. We came to Canada instead and love it here. What are your long term goals for emmigrating? You would need to work to support yourself - what would you do? Here in Canada, you need some form of education to be able to do most things so would potentially have to consider the education route in your chosen country.
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BUNAC is exactly the organisation I was talking about in my original post and the program I'm interested in taking. Do you have any experience with them? I also looked into Canada and it appealed to me just as much, I think I would enjoy it there. I'd love to hear more from you. How did you go about emigrating to Canada? What were it's requirements? What did you find when you first got there? This is something I really am interested in so your information and opinion would be very highly valued. Thank you. :)

goldenlight said:
Reading you post I'm not sure the problem is where you are geographically, it might be more where you are in your life. You are dissatisfied with what you are doing at the moment and cannot see a way to change or improve that, other than a vague notion that things might be better in another country but with no real plan. Loss of motivation, even to do things you enjoy, is not a good sign.

To me you sound depressed. Real depression is not a phase you go through or something you will eventually snap out of, it's a real illness that requires treatment as much as any physical ailment. I know, I've been there and got the T-shirt. However, that doesn't make me an expert by any means and I may be totally wrong about you. Nethertheless I'd be inclined to visit your GP to talk this over. He/she will, if necessary, refer you to the right people. It's something I wish I'd done much sooner than I did.

Good luck, let us know how you get on.
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Thank you for your concern. If I am being honest I would say it is more than likely that what you're saying is right. I think in terms of finding a remedy there are two states: solving the problem I have now and solving the problem I'll have later. I think in terms of immigration I am trying to kill two birds with one stone rather than getting to a place I am comfortable with in my present moment and having it deteriorate for the same reasons later on, which is what has happened recently. I considered having a chat with my GP though it was hard enough for me to even open up this thread. If I find my personal state has no improvement I will explore this possibility, but I think I'm kind of in a place where I need to "do it on my own" which makes me reluctant. I'm glad you came back to me with this as even though it was something on my mind it is good to know that someone else could spot it, too.



Again, thank you all for your time and responses. :thumbs:
 
Times may have changed as I was 19 twenty years ago but I doubt whether being 19 has changed much.

Whatever you decide to do - don't get yourself tied down to anything. Go where you want to go and do whatever feels right at the time. It's natural to feel a bit trapped and be undecided at your age - there's plenty of time to figure out what's best once you've tried things out.
 
my stock answer to everyone- Join the forces!
on a more serous note though, you're 19, I presume no dependents?
if you have 2k to spend on 3m volunteer work, why not buy a round the world flight ticket? then work your way around?

you aren't the only one who wants to leave- I have 6 years and 2 days before I can leave, and I'll be on a flight to Canada or America at the earliest opportunity.
 
I would suggest getting a trade, then if you do find somewhere you like your skills will be wanted.
Some countries actually ask that you have something that will contribute trade wise as they don't want people going there and scrounging off the state. I believe Australia is one of them.

I would say from your posting that its not where you live but what you want to do, anyone will get fed up with their life style in an unsuitable or no perminant job. Its not up to us to decide on your future only you can do that, but whatever you decide choose a career that is developing all the time to hold your interest. Also consider that in a few years time you may want to settle down with someone, then changing jobs is that much harder as finances become critical. So many people look for firms to provide jobs and not even consider self employment, I was like that for 2/3 my working life until I wised up an got annoyed that I was working and putting money into others pockets instead of my own.

OK the hours may be longer being self employed but what you earn you keep after taxes etc. You can choose your own hours to work- no bosses to answer for-no worries about loosing your job- no worries about promotion, the list goes on and on. Yes there are drawbacks I won't deny it, such as being able to keep generating work -getting a good reputation in what you do- promoting your business, BUT EVERY PENNY YOU EARN IS YOURS.

Realspeed
 
I guess some people in life will always need to be free spirits and aren't the sort to settle down into career jobs. If you feel that ultimately you are one of these people then at 19, with no commitments then best go off with a plan for a year or 18 months simply to travel and pick up pin money. Try and get working in bars and scramble around a bit wherever a bit of money takes you. At worst you can come home but you may stumble on something abroad.

In the end though, if you find something it may represent stability, and after a year or two, lack of freedom and being tied down.

I lived abroad for two years and found that after a while you start to recreate a life abroad similar to the one you know in the UK. Most people want stability, a fixed home, companionship and friends etc. If you go away, you see your friends getting on with their lives, cementing relationships with marriage, kids, getting promotions and settling down to a UK family life. It's the path most follow but there will always be some people who this doesn't appeal to...and those who wish they could get out of it.

Nobody said life would be interesting, years ago people just scrambled around to eat and stay alive. Although I am lucky to have a good job which is interesting, many people work for the money and would rather be somewhere else. However working also means you meet people, maybe find work friends and social events through work. Others take the money so they can pursue their hobbies and outlets 'to think about something else' for a few hours, get a bit de-stressed etc. It's why many of us are amateur photographers, and in turn that hobby prompts some of us to go on sight-seeing holidays or simply to an event because there may be a picture opportunity.

I haven't got the answer for you, just some points to think about. If I were you, I'd have to sit and think what you are really looking for. You can pursue your hobby/music with numerous opportunities in this country either to play or to learn more. You can go to college/uni and learn the business side. You also have a chance to learn other things as you dont seem to have a trade or qualifications that are particularly useful to an employer. You are in the perfect position to follow anything and anywhere which may bring it's own stimulation and focus for you. However, if you really have a yearning for travel, now is the time to do it but don't be suprised to come back and see your friends moving on a bit here.
 
Do it now or it will never happen and in 20 years time you will look back and think what could have been:wave:
Go for it and enjoy your life your way:thumbs:
Bob:wave::wave::wave:
 
Anton17 said:
I understand paying your dues but it's the lack of a plan that scares me the most.
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Your life, you get to make the plan. Nobody can, or will, do it for you and the location doesn't make a whole load of difference, it's the same plan at a different temperature.
 
Trying to get into the USA on a permanent basis as a British citizen is to all intents and puposes impossible.

You need to marry a citizen (still not guaranteed) or show you have a skill an employer in the states cannot find there, or intend to set up a business employing local people putting money into the economy.
 
Anton17 said:
I considered having a chat with my GP though it was hard enough for me to even open up this thread.:thumbs:
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No offence to anyone who is suggesting that you "give it a go" in sunnier climes, but if you really are suffering from clinical depression then moving to a foreign country isn't really going to help, to paraphrase dod, "the location doesn't make a whole load of difference, it's the same illness at a different temperature."
 
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