How many friends do you actually really have?

jonbeeza

jonbeeza

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I did do a search, but no threads with that title came up. Surprised really, as I thought it would have been talked about already, or has it?

I don't really bother with all that faceberk thing anymore. By the time I deleted all the profiles of people who I had amassed, who I did not know, and I have no idea why I added them in the first place, there was only family members and one or two real friends left. It got me thinking about people who really matter to me at the moment. It brought it home to me in 2018, when something happened, and people who I thought I could rely on, were nowhere to be seen. While long standing friends came through, just as I thought they might.

I am sure people who know me would probably call me a billy no mates, but these would be the same people who have 3791 faceberk friends, of which probably 3k could not be trusted, while the rest would be too busy to help, should friendly support be needed.

I think if people are honest, most of us would probably only have about three true friends. I have made sure to keep in touch with my true friends, and not just when I need something. Mind you, I don't like asking things of people, I much prefer mucking in and helping out.

So being honest, I know I said I probably had one or two friends left after pruning faceberk, I would say I have three friends in total. So be honest, how many do you have?
 
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Someone once said to me that we never have more real friends than we have fingers on one hand.

I’ve always found this to be true myself and I speak as someone who values friendship and has generally had good friends throughout my life. I have noticed the older I get, the more difficult it is to maintain friendships though.
 
None, unless you include family. The only close friend I had died in his late 30's so about 30 years ago I had one real friend.
Doesn't bother me in the slightest, I like to think I have been a really good friend to people in the past but contact has been lost and the friendship ended, so really they were no more than transient I guess.
I used to Scuba dive with what I thought was a group of people and some in particular I counted as friends, soon as I stopped diving they drifted away despite my attempts at remaining in contact, guess that's pretty normal?
 
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Facebook is a numbers game, people want as many friends as they can amass.
Personally all the people on my friends list I have met face to face at some point
 
My one good friend passed away a month ago. So no 'friends' as such, but extremely pleasant young neighbours.
 
I've just looked at my Facebook profile and I have 146 "friends". These are made up of 3 family members (wife, sister & niece), a number of work colleagues (past & present) and members of Talk Photography plus a handful of people I know outside of those criteria. As I rule, I try to restrict it to people I've met although there are a few exceptions.

I do get friend requests from people who I converse with in groups but I reject these.

Gremlin said:
Facebook is a numbers game, people want as many friends as they can amass.
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And this
 
Cartus said:
Someone once said to me that we never have more real friends than we have fingers on one hand.

I’ve always found this to be true myself and I speak as someone who values friendship and has generally had good friends throughout my life. I have noticed the older I get, the more difficult it is to maintain friendships though.
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As you get a lot older, friendships to tend to drift apart. But I have tried my best to keep in touch with friends from over forty years ago. It's funny getting old, when I meet up with friends I have known over forty years, both of us say do you remember such and such, most of the time we can't always remember and say "did I say that".
 
I have half a friend ------------- my wife is my best friend, one guy from another forum matters to me and i like to think i matter to him but as he lives in Thailand i may never know.
 
Al1944 said:
My one good friend passed away a month ago. So no 'friends' as such, but extremely pleasant young neighbours.
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Sorry to hear that.



I have managed to keep two schoolfriends, but when I have a mental picture of them, I see them as teenagers. It is always a shock when I meet up now, as it still takes me a second or two, to adjust to the elderly chap tottering up to meet me, and not my flash trendy mates on flash bicycles. I still awe at them and mention how old they look. While they reply, "I was just thinking how old you look also". :oops: :$
 
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Maybe when we get older and get married or long term partner, we tend to drift away from friends. Although, I think women tend to be able to hang onto mates better.
 
Interesting. I stopped motorcycling about 10 or so years ago, but some of my close biking buddies are still my friends. Probably 3 or 4. Likewise 25 years ago when I was into ham radio in a big way I had a couple of close friends that I met through that. Two of those guys I still see and chat to on a regular basis. And there is one guy who used to work for me, we became friends as we liked the same music and we were both Arsenal fans, we speak regularly. And I have a couple of close friends through the Mini owners club.

It's been difficult since we moved from our base of friends in the South East down here to deepest, darkest Wiltshire, but 3 or 4 of those above have all called me in the last week or so. Social media is both a help & a hinderance. It makes it easier to stay in touch, but then actually talking to people doesn't happen so often.

I tend to make a wide circle of friends from various groups through my interests, but there are only a couple from each of those groups I would call very close. My closest friend is family, my Brother-in-law, we talk regularly, and I guess being married to a pair of sisters helps...
 
I decided to delete my original FB account 2 years ago, not long after I'd had a stent. As nobody could be bothered to enquire if I was still alive afterwards (I'd had a near total blockage) it made me realise it was time to either ditch people whom I'd not seen or heard from in 15+ years (only 'friends' on FB) or just to delete my account...

People I count as friends as colleagues who I have a particular affinity to, camera club 'friends' (its the photography that connects us, and nothing else), my OH and a few people I've known for years (one who did come out of the woodwork after my stent)..

To be honest I make few friends as I am irritable, intolerant (of behaviours) and impatient
 
Jelster said:
Interesting. I stopped motorcycling about 10 or so years ago, but some of my close biking buddies are still my friends. Probably 3 or 4. Likewise 25 years ago when I was into ham radio in a big way I had a couple of close friends that I met through that. Two of those guys I still see and chat to on a regular basis. And there is one guy who used to work for me, we became friends as we liked the same music and we were both Arsenal fans, we speak regularly. And I have a couple of close friends through the Mini owners club.

It's been difficult since we moved from our base of friends in the South East down here to deepest, darkest Wiltshire, but 3 or 4 of those above have all called me in the last week or so. Social media is both a help & a hinderance. It makes it easier to stay in touch, but then actually talking to people doesn't happen so often.

I tend to make a wide circle of friends from various groups through my interests, but there are only a couple from each of those groups I would call very close. My closest friend is family, my Brother-in-law, we talk regularly, and I guess being married to a pair of sisters helps...
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I too used to go riding bikes with a few friends, but stopped riding bikes a few years ago. One of the best times I must say, used to go Rivington Bolton, popular with bikers. I really do miss those days. Smashing set of blokes too, pity I lost contact with them
 
welshwizard645 said:
I decided to delete my original FB account 2 years ago, not long after I'd had a stent. As nobody could be bothered to enquire if I was still alive afterwards (I'd had a near total blockage) it made me realise it was time to either ditch people whom I'd not seen or heard from in 15+ years (only 'friends' on FB) or just to delete my account...

People I count as friends as colleagues who I have a particular affinity to, camera club 'friends' (its the photography that connects us, and nothing else), my OH and a few people I've known for years (one who did come out of the woodwork after my stent)..

To be honest I make few friends as I am irritable, intolerant (of behaviours) and impatient
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Sounds just like me, hey we just might get on OK.... nha we would clash. ;)
 
jonbeeza said:
I too used to go riding bikes with a few friends, but stopped riding bikes a few years ago. One of the best times I must say, used to go Rivington Bolton, popular with bikers. I really do miss those days. Smashing set of blokes too, pity I lost contact with them
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Jon, to some extent, you have to be committed to keeping in touch, you just can't expect them to do the calling. So I call them at least once a month, or sometimes we have a facebook natter between a few of us. When I lost my sister at Easter 3 or 4 friends called with their condolences. Doing on social media is great if you're not close, but those guys are the ones I would help in almost any situation. (I lent one of them a considerable amount of money a few years ago, I knew I'd get it back, it took almost 2 years, but I never doubted him.)

One of my oldest friends was a guy I used to hang around with in my teens & early 20's. I moved away for work, so did he. 4 years ago we bumped into each other of a Facebook group, and we've been close again ever since.
 
Maybe 2, and those I only see a handful of times a year. I'm not really a people person. :LOL:
 
Jelster said:
Jon, to some extent, you have to be committed to keeping in touch, you just can't expect them to do the calling. So I call them at least once a month, or sometimes we have a facebook natter between a few of us. When I lost my sister at Easter 3 or 4 friends called with their condolences. Doing on social media is great if you're not close, but those guys are the ones I would help in almost any situation. (I lent one of them a considerable amount of money a few years ago, I knew I'd get it back, it took almost 2 years, but I never doubted him.)

One of my oldest friends was a guy I used to hang around with in my teens & early 20's. I moved away for work, so did he. 4 years ago we bumped into each other of a Facebook group, and we've been close again ever since.
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To be honest my lifestyle had changed, and while it is easy to keep in touch, not possible to always meet up. So the old gang did not bother too much with me, I can't drop things and dash off like in the old days. I am a full time carer for my partner, and I won't / don't leave her on her own for too long.
 
This is a good thread. For decades I thought I was odd because I have aquaintances but no-one (apart from my wife) I'd describe as a friend.

OK: I'm still odd but at least it seems like I'm normally odd...

:tumbleweed:
 
bass_junkie83 said:
Maybe 2, and those I only see a handful of times a year. I'm not really a people person. :LOL:
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So far, it seems like we are all similar. So, who is going to post and tell us about all the mates they have, and the exciting lifestyle they lead? :)
 
jonbeeza said:
To be honest my lifestyle had changed, and while it is easy to keep in touch, not possible to always meet up. So the old gang did not bother too much with me, I can't drop things and dash off like in the old days. I am a full time carer for my partner, and I won't / don't leave her on her own for too long.
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Jon, you don't necessarily have to meet, just talk on the phone. Since moving I get together with my Mini friends probably twice a year, and that's generally arranged months in advance. When we grow older we tend to physically see each other less, but we still talk.

My other hobby is fishing, but I tend to do that alone, I like sitting by the waterside on my own, Even if the Mrs comes along she sits & reads a book.
 
Al1944 said:
LOL. I've had a couple of nicknames over the years in work - 'Victor' and worse - 'Thrush'! ;)
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I've been called Victor often enough and called a few others the 2nd, either than or 'Bleach'..

I am like my mother, and the Queen, we'll cut off people if we are displeased in any way

If I was a Mr Men man I would be Mr Misanthropy
 
Jelster said:
Jon, you don't necessarily have to meet, just talk on the phone. Since moving I get together with my Mini friends probably twice a year, and that's generally arranged months in advance. When we grow older we tend to physically see each other less, but we still talk.

My other hobby is fishing, but I tend to do that alone, I like sitting by the waterside on my own, Even if the Mrs comes along she sits & reads a book.
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Trouble is, they never get back or are too busy etc. I know I should have made more of an effort, but I suppose there is still time. Maybe when we are allowed back out, I might just go and visit the old gang. :)
 
Interesting point. I would argue that I have very few actual close friends - plenty of "friends" but very few. I did think I suppose I had one, but when I switched companies it did fall apart a lot.. but I suppose thats the point, you can continue your new life but pick the phone up and they're there. Very much a solo person myself, as others have said when you get a better half they tend to make up that friendship oftentimes.
 
Maybe it's simply a misconception then, that others have masses of friends, while we only have one or two friends. But, in reality most of us only do have one really good friend.
 
I don't think I have helped things over the years either. When some vaguely familiar person has got talking to me, then suggests a meet up or something. I have often wondered what are they after, or why are they asking that etc. But missus says "they are only showing an interest, and they only want to get to know you".
 
None and that isn't me just trying to be funny or different
I do have acquaintances and people I enjoy spending a bit of time with.
Some people seem to quite like my company, others don't, but that's the same for most people
Exactly the way I like it, i'm not the sort of person who makes a good friend come what may
Many people seem to be rather needy and i'm somewhat lacking in empathy, not a very good match
 
I'm not on social media so I either miss out or I'm lucky to not be a part of it.

When I was in my teens and through to my 30's there were quite a few I knocked about with mostly through work and drinking and they'd change as people changed jobs but I wouldn't say any of them were really close friends. Later getting too close to the staff was frowned upon but to be honest they were mostly not people I'd want to socialise with anyway.

I also had a circle through music and gigs but I slowly dropped out of that as again there was quite a bit of a drinking culture. Over the year my little circle got smaller and smaller through changing jobs, moving, getting married or just growing up a bit but through it all I do think I have and have kept one real true friend I've had for knocking on 30 years now.

IMO life isn't like it is on tv. Mostly my best friends have been my other halfs.
 
Most of my friends moved on to new circles when they coupled up, then moved on again when they became families, I didn't. Still see them when I can but it's usually only a special event or the odd post on bookface but now I'm used to my own company and not very sociable. It takes two to talk and I'm not great at starting it.

What worries me more is we've had over a month of lockdown and apart from covering extra work while others are self isolating/working from home, not much for me has changed, just means I can't do my shopping at 1am when no one else is around and I have to queue at 9pm instead.
 
Difficult one really, I have a lot of people who would help me out if I have an issue, (and I them)but close friends just the one really. But we will go weeks without speaking to each other and months without seeing each other.
 
The other half. We do a lot together. She's interested in walking, hiking and don't mind my photography either. She often looks for scenes for me herself! My kids are teenagers, I'd really like them to be 'friends' too rather than just father/children - my boy and I do photos together on occasion including middle of the night Milky Way etc I'm close to scrapping the Tamron zoom plans to buy wild camping gear.....

I have a few close friends from school I still keep in touch with regular (I work with one still, the other left and we've worked together in the past for many years too) I have some friends from the Classic Ford/car scene who are more than just 'people I know'

About 210 on Farcebook and most of them I have actually met at some point.

So..... About 3 really close, 10 or so close and the rest acquaintances.
 
Close friends, I would say a big fat 0. Closest friend i had, we started our apprenticeship together, worked in the same department together, played football and a drink after together, went drinking on a Friday afternoon after work, he was my best man. But after my first son was born, the social side of the friendship fell flat. We ended up working in different departments and saw less and less of each other. Saw him just before Christmas, for the first time in about 7 years at a mutual work colleagues funeral. I couldn't really say how many people I would class as friends, I have friends of varying degrees at work and at the gym. I don't drink anymore, not in almost 30yrs, so don't socialise with any out of work or the gym.
If anyone needs me or wants my help with something, I think they know they can ask if I haven't offered to myself, I am there. They may well feel the same way about me, but I have never given anyone the opportunity. I wouldn't be upset if nobody turned up to help if I had an hour of need.
I would say everyone, including family only knows just a little bit about me.
Obviously I would be dead and wouldn't know anything about it, but I would be perfectly ok with it, if no one attended my funeral. I just don't like the fuss.
 
Jeeze there's some right loners/anti-social bastards on here! Got plenty of friends, quite a few I could rely on in times of need, but in varying ways; not everyone is capable of supporting others, and that's not their fault. But for stuff like helping move house, giving me a lift, lending me money (not that I need to thankfully), definitely. Plenty. For more emotional support, fewer, but I refer to my previous point. A good strong network though. Very lucky.

As for the FB 'friends' thing; I make a point of not having anyone as a FB 'friend', who I don't genuinely like, and have at least at some point socialised with/would socialise with. Some live some distance away/abroad, so it's a good way to keep in touch. But I agree that all that 'I've got 3,147 friends' thing is just nonsense. Mind, some folk use it for their work/hobby, so it's useful to them to have large networks.

Some of you really need to get out more though. Or try therapy. How can it be healthy to have literally no friends?
 
AZ6 said:
Jeeze there's some right loners/anti-social &*%$** on here! Got plenty of friends, quite a few I could rely on in times of need, but in varying ways; not everyone is capable of supporting others, and that's not their fault. But for stuff like helping move house, giving me a lift, lending me money (not that I need to thankfully), definitely. Plenty. For more emotional support, fewer, but I refer to my previous point. A good strong network though. Very lucky.

As for the FB 'friends' thing; I make a point of not having anyone as a FB 'friend', who I don't genuinely like, and have at least at some point socialised with/would socialise with. Some live some distance away/abroad, so it's a good way to keep in touch. But I agree that all that 'I've got 3,147 friends' thing is just nonsense. Mind, some folk use it for their work/hobby, so it's useful to them to have large networks.

Some of you really need to get out more though. Or try therapy. How can it be healthy to have literally no friends?
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Yes it would seem there are a lot of loners on here, but it looks to be the norm. But come on, how many of those faceberk friends are real true friends? ;)
 
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