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Janice

Janice

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Janice
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Sorry to involve you guys, but Id really value your opinion.

My youngest son has recently started college and had to have a moped/scooter to get there as it is over 12 miles away and the buses are rare.
He is spending more and more evenings out, which is only natural as he is now 16 and a half.
Yesterday I found a packet of Old Holborn with filter tips inside too, stuffed in the space in the back of his PS2.
if he has just started smoking, why isnt he smoking cigarettes? Does this look like something stronger is around to you?? It is definitely only tobacco....only smells of tobacco. But has he been using it for smoking other things?

When he comes in tonight what do I say?
He isnt likely to admit he has been smoking anything but tobacco, but even then should I ground him for a while for starting smoking anyway?
Neither of us, or his older brother, smokes.

There really isnt anything I can do to stop him, so is it worth actually saying anything??

Anyone have any experience of this??

Janice
 
plenty of people smoke rollies cuz they're alot cheaper, my sister only smokes rollies not proper cigerrettes. (you can get alot of smokes out of one pack of taboacco compared to the cost of a pack of 20.

it could be perfectly innocent, if he was doin' a bit of weed you'd be able to smell it, it clings to clothes etc (take it you still do his washing for him mum!)


maybe wait a while until you start seeing other signs of doing drugs before having a chat.


kids meddle about at his age, i know i did, we try different things etc and most of the time we grow out of it, he probably knows all the dangers of smoking but at his age its perceived as 'cool' and alot of kids do it and then grow up about it, hes making the most of his new found freedom. as a point if you ground him for smoking, he'll only rebel further.


thats my advice as a young person (or reasonably young anyway)
 
I don't think the signs are too concerning from a naughty smoking point of view. You don't use filter tips if you're smoking pot! If you find King Size cigarette papers with bits of the packet torn off then that is a sign of him smoking things he shouldn't.
As distressing as it must be to discover your son is smoking, he is 16 and that's the legal age I'm afraid. Personally I wouldn't make a big fuss about it - you know what they're like, the more you let on you don't want him to do it the more he will!
 
Grendel said:
You don't use filter tips if you're smoking pot! If you find King Size cigarette papers with bits of the packet torn off then that is a sign of him smoking things he shouldn't.
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spot on, i forgot about that, also alot of folks that smoke pot will use tabacco out of cigarrettes rather than rolling tabacco, probably something to do with the tabacco being drier or something :gag:
 
IanC_UK said:
Make a joke about it, tell him you found em and as long as he doesnt smoke at home its fine ! that should sort him out, they hate parents approval ! ;)
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leave them on the kitchen table then when he notices them and starts ******* it just say "i think these are yours, hide them better next time" he wont expect it, hey he might actually think his mum is cool:naughty:
 
whitewash said:
leave them on the kitchen table then when he notices them and starts ****ing it just say "i think these are yours, hide them better next time" he wont expect it, hey he might actually think his mum is cool:naughty:
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You dont' need to feel cool when your a parent, you do what's best for them. I'm sure Janice knows this.

I agree about leaving them on the table though, just to start the conversation. I wouldnt' let it go by without giving your opinion. Even if it's only "tobacco", that's still worthy of discussion on your part, your his mother! Smoking leads to other things and to just say kids are kids is a disservice to your child if you ask me. I wouldnt' want my child to battle that one the rest of his/her life when alot of people lose as we all know.

Just my opinion, good luck Janice,

Jewel :)
 
I'll have a word with the wife when she gets in later, she's a substance abuse counselor, knows all the in's and out's of this subject.

Initial thoughts are a) Old Holborn is a bit strong for rolling with weed, b) it's more usual to use the longer papers rather than the standard ones, more to share around, c) they tend not to use filters when rolling a joint.

Sounds more like it's a peer pressure thing if none of you smoke. If you cant convince him not too, then get him to change to a milder tobacco, Golden Virginia, that Old Holborn stuff is heavy :razz:
 
Just ask him why he hid them.

And then when he comes up with a feable answer, whack him in the chops with the rolling pin.......that should nip the smoking in the bud. It might stop a few other things too as an unwanted side effect!



thats probably not the most effective way of dealing with things though
 
I totally understand how you feel Janice. My daughter is now 17 but when she was 15 I caught her smoking. I was absolutlely horrified! But her Stepdad told her, as long as she didin't do it in the house, it was OK. As both him and me smoke, we didin't think it was right to tell her it was wrong. Once she was 16, we let her smoke in the house. She's now quit, despite the fact thet her Stepdad and I still smoke. Don't worry too much, he'll grow out of it.

My son is 16 today. And I know he smokes, although he doesn't know that I know, and he won't admit to it. I'm just waiting for him to get over the 'I'm cool cos I'm smoking faze'

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, honestly...
 
jewel said:
You dont' need to feel cool when your a parent, you do what's best for them. I'm sure Janice knows this.

I agree about leaving them on the table though, just to start the conversation. I wouldnt' let it go by without giving your opinion. Even if it's only "tobacco", that's still worthy of discussion on your part, your his mother! Smoking leads to other things and to just say kids are kids is a disservice to your child if you ask me. I wouldnt' want my child to battle that one the rest of his/her life when alot of people lose as we all know.

Just my opinion, good luck Janice,

Jewel :)
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if you think your parents are more in tune with what you as a young person do then your less likely to be distant from them and more likely to talk to them. my parents were very easy going with me at that age, if i went out drinking she talked to me about it, she didnt tell me off, if i went out clubbing she was ok with it, because she then knew where i was, if i wanted to drink i could drink at home that way they could keep an eye on me. there is absolutely nothing i wouldnt share with my mother.

i think (this is my view) that the worse thing you can do as a parent is to distance yourself as far apart from your children at that age, if you come across all high and mighty and "im old and wise i know best and you know zip" then your kids will just distance themselves from you. if you remain close then they are more likely to talk to you, less likely to rebel to the other end of the spectrum drink/drugs/smoking, vandalism etc and all the things young people get involved in if they run with the wrong crowd.
 
There was the end of a roll-up in the packet too.....i broke it open and still only smelt like tobacco. but...... the end was a rolled up bit of card as the filter :eek:

I think i WILL say something but he's hardly like to say "Oh yes, thats right, Ive started smoking canabis, Mum!" so he will say its just tobacco (it WAS Golden Viriginia by the way) and I will just have to suggest he doesnt.


I used to smoke years ago,, and at 18 I smoked weed too.........but i cant say "Oh its ok, I did it"! i stopped, and I stopped smoking too, because he might not.
 
I wouldn't worry about that too much either - if he's run out of filters he might have just been told by a friend that he could roll up a bit of card and stuff it in there... it's what I used to do to stop the baccy getting into my mouth. But find out where he got that particular idea from, for your own peace of mind.

My mum only found out that I'd been smoking aftre a few days away with a friend. She just sat me down and asked how many I'd had while I was there. She didn't find any smoking paraphenalia at all. But she just came out with it, and acknowledged that she couldn't tell me not to as both her and Dad smoked.

Don't make a big issue out of it though...

(PS I started on Old Holborn too... Glad he's switched to Golden Virginia - Old Holby is horrible!)
 
Well, thanks guys, I actually feel much more relaxed about it all now.
He's a good boy in general, and i think i will mention Ive found it, and ask about it etc, but not be too heavy handed.

I knew I could rely on you lot......you're stars! ;) :thumbs:
 
Shuttup you!! :D :lol:
 
whitewash said:
if you break all his fingers he wont be able to roll up....
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Now THAT's a very good point. Similarly if you cut his lips off, he won't be able to draw on the cigarette too well either.
 
see, while women search for the sensitive solution.

where the male of the species is much more practical :D
 
whitewash said:
if you pummel is face enough it'll also mean you wont have to worry about him bringing girls back as well thus no safe sex talk required
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If you break his fingers he won't shoplift or go blind either ;)


Think I'll go and have 'words' with my 13 year old son :bat:







:D
 
whitewash said:
think of how easy it would be if your teenager was a brain in a bell jar............
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Amputate from the neck down. It's the only answer.
 
I looked in the back of the PS2 because my other son had been talking about getting a network adapter for it, and I just wanted to see where it would go.
I didnt expect that though!! LOL :)


Nah, I dont want a brain in a jar............he's a cutie with big blue eyes, and plays the electric guitar for his Mum........I love him!:love:
 
IMO you need to have serious words, because golden virginia is horrid baccy especially for smoking weed! ;)

Janice the funniest thing for me in this is that you are worried he is smoking weed! The tobacco is more harmful than the weed!!!! ;)

Good luck with whatever action you take..
 
I would talk to him, if he left them at home when he went out it does not look like its very serious yet. They might not even be his!
 
I can't give any advice as I never smoked except the time when I asked my grandfather to let me have a puff cause I saw him smoking when I was about 6 or 7. :D :puke: Never smoked again after that.
 
Best advise I could give is to not go in with all guns blazing.

Get him on his own so as not to embarrass him in front of anybody.

Try to remember that you have only found some tabacco .... Not a kilo of cocaine.

It could be worse ..... At least he is not coming home drunk every night.
 
I think most of it's already been covered, but I'll put my tuppenorth in, in the hope it helps :)

Rolling tobacco isn't generally used to smoke cannabis. Nor are filters....They *can* (and sometimes are) but not usually.

If he's hiding the tobacco and lighter etc from you, then surely he'd hide his cannabis in there too?
Cigarette tobacco is generally used for cannabis, and as has been said, cardboard rolled filters (roaches).

He may have used the cardboard filter when he's run out of filter tips. I know I used to occasionally. Smoking a rollie without a filter at all, is a very spitty affair....It's like having your mouth full of........nah I wont go there :p

I used to smoke (and quit 3 years ago), and I'm quite a vocal ex smoker. However I don't decry anyone who smokes, I fully understand and sympathise with smokers. What starts off as something cool and done because of peer pressure, turns into something that is only continued for one reason....It's a drug addiction.

If he hasn't been smoking long, you may be able to tackle him about it now. The longer he smokes, the harder he may find it to quit in the future.

Definitely approach him. Tell him you're disappointed but you understand why he may have started. Yeah, tell him that you've done it before. If he's mature enough he shouldn't see that as an excuse to continue.
Tell him yeah you've done it before, but no more, as it was a stupid thing to do. You managed to stop. Plenty of people (and maybe him), cannot stop, so he needs to have some serious thought about whether it's a road he wants to go down.

If you get all preachy and righteous about it, he will no doubt rebel against that, as you probably know :). I think the best thing would just be open, honest, understanding, but knowledgable.

Hope this helps :)
 
I don't think it's anything to come down all heavy on him about at all. It's the natural order of things - away from home, bit of freedom and peer pressure - all very grown up. I started smoking at art college.

You had an innocent enough reason to look in the back of his PS2, so if you do choose to mention it, perhaps you could just point out that smoking is becoming more and more socially unacceptable, is banned in many places, and he should think very seriously about quitting before he's well and truly hooked.

I certainly wouldn't make a big deal about it though. ;)
 
Words from the wife. ANY tobacco is used these days for smoking weed :eek:

It might be worth some gentle words with him, also reminding him that if he's caught riding his moped after having a 'smoke' he will be treated as driving whilst under the influence.
 
Lets not forget it's a gateway drug. He'll be snorting coke and injecting heroin before long.

Just like all the drinkers out there who start on white wine spritzers, or even half a shandy and go on to drink meths and de-icer.

That was a joke for anyone wondering.

Personally speaking, I started smoking at 15...but I started with weed...which in turn lead me to cigarettes. I gave up dope last year because I couldn't be bothered to sort it out when I moved house. Suprisingly, decent stuff is hard to come by in London!

I always used to use rolling tobacco (Cutters Choice), but then I always tended to roll massive ones with Rips rolling papers. Anything too long becomes too difficult with cigarette tobacco :thumbs:
 
scoff said:
The tobacco is more harmful than the weed!!!! ;)
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Now that's always confused me, you take one thing that's harmful, add another and somehow it's not as bad?? ;)

Don't worry about it too much Janice, he's young, he's learning and, as has already been said, if you get heavy he'll just dig the heels in.
 
Thanks all, you've all been a brilliant help.

When Adam came in last night, I broached the subject.
Maybe I had calmed down after reading all the messages on here, but what he told me I believed.

He said it wasnt his, but belonged to his friend Sean, whose parents were fighting at the moment, his dad has just left and the mum was going loopy at Sean for every little thing. If she had found that he smoked, she'd go bananas, so he gave it to adam so she didnt find it in his room.

Maybe other parents wouldnt have believed that, but I know my son and to be honest, he never smells of dope, or even smoke. His breath never smells of smoke either. His mood is just the same as ever.
He came straight out and said "He buys this because its cheaper than cigarettes"...which is exactly what someone here said earlier.

He does have new friends, college etc... but I guess that doesnt mean he is doing drugs.

I am happy to let it go this time. I will just be on my toes and keep my eyes open for anything in the future.

Thanks for your concern, I guess Im just being a typical Mum!

Janice
 
One good thing that's come out of this...................you guys now know a REALLY good place to hide the diamond rings you've got your wives for Christmas! ;)
 
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