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- Ebenezer McScrooge III
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Probably made up but never mind 
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance problems, and the solution recorded by maintenance crews.
Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
Problem: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
Solution: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
Problem: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
Solution: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
Problem: Something loose in cockpit.
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.
Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on backorder.
Problem: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces 200-fpm descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Solution: Evidence removed.
Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution: DME volume set to more believable level.
Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That's what they're there for!
Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Problem: Suspected crack in windscreen.
Solution: Suspect you're right.
Problem: Number 3 engine missing.
Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Problem: Aircraft handles funny.
Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Problem: Target radar hums.
Solution: Reprogrammed target radar with words.
Problem: Mouse in cockpit.
Solution: Cat installed.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance problems, and the solution recorded by maintenance crews.
Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
Problem: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
Solution: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
Problem: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
Solution: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
Problem: Something loose in cockpit.
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.
Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on backorder.
Problem: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces 200-fpm descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Solution: Evidence removed.
Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution: DME volume set to more believable level.
Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That's what they're there for!
Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Problem: Suspected crack in windscreen.
Solution: Suspect you're right.
Problem: Number 3 engine missing.
Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Problem: Aircraft handles funny.
Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Problem: Target radar hums.
Solution: Reprogrammed target radar with words.
Problem: Mouse in cockpit.
Solution: Cat installed.
