Seppi3
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Always good!
If you dont understand them, tough!
A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair. "Comfy?"
> asks the dentist.
> "Govan," she replies.
>
> What did the Siamese twins from Glasgow call their autobiography? Oor
> Wullie.
>
> A guy walks into an antiques shop and says: "How much for the set of
> antlers?"
> "Two hundred quid," says the bloke behind the counter.
> "That's affa deer," says the guy.
>
> Did you hear about the fella who liked eating bricks and cement? He's awa'
> noo.
>
> After announcing he's getting married, a boy tells his pal he'll be wearing
> the kilt. "And what's the tartan?" asks his mate. "Oh, she'll be wearing a
> white dress," he replies.
>
> What do you call a pigeon that goes to Aviemore for its holidays? A skean
> dhu.
>
> How many Spanish guys does it take to change a lightbulb? Just Juan.
>
> Aman takes a pair of shoes back to the shop and complains that there is a
> lace missing.
> "No," argues the assistant, "look at the label - it says Taiwan ."
>
> What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and an Aberdeen sheep
> farmer? The Rolling Stones say: "Hey you, get off of my cloud." And an
> Aberdeen sheep farmer says: "Hey McLeod, get off of ma ewe."
>
> What do you call an illegitimate Scottish insect? A wee fly b*****d.
>
> What about the Scotsman who lost his testicles in a motorcycle accident?
> The surgeon re-attached them with Bostik.
>
> While being interviewed for a job as a bus driver, a guy is asked: "What
> would you do if you had a rowdy passenger?"
> "I'd put him off at the next stop," he says.
> "Good. And what would you do if you couldn't get the fare?"
> "I'd take the first two weeks in August," he replies.
>
> Two negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make a
> negative - "Aye right."
>
> A Glasgow man - steaming and skint - is walking down Argyle Street when he
> spots a guy tinkering with the engine of his car. "What's up, Jimmy?" he
> asks. "Piston broke," he replies. "Aye, same as masel...".
If you dont understand them, tough!
A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair. "Comfy?"
> asks the dentist.
> "Govan," she replies.
>
> What did the Siamese twins from Glasgow call their autobiography? Oor
> Wullie.
>
> A guy walks into an antiques shop and says: "How much for the set of
> antlers?"
> "Two hundred quid," says the bloke behind the counter.
> "That's affa deer," says the guy.
>
> Did you hear about the fella who liked eating bricks and cement? He's awa'
> noo.
>
> After announcing he's getting married, a boy tells his pal he'll be wearing
> the kilt. "And what's the tartan?" asks his mate. "Oh, she'll be wearing a
> white dress," he replies.
>
> What do you call a pigeon that goes to Aviemore for its holidays? A skean
> dhu.
>
> How many Spanish guys does it take to change a lightbulb? Just Juan.
>
> Aman takes a pair of shoes back to the shop and complains that there is a
> lace missing.
> "No," argues the assistant, "look at the label - it says Taiwan ."
>
> What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and an Aberdeen sheep
> farmer? The Rolling Stones say: "Hey you, get off of my cloud." And an
> Aberdeen sheep farmer says: "Hey McLeod, get off of ma ewe."
>
> What do you call an illegitimate Scottish insect? A wee fly b*****d.
>
> What about the Scotsman who lost his testicles in a motorcycle accident?
> The surgeon re-attached them with Bostik.
>
> While being interviewed for a job as a bus driver, a guy is asked: "What
> would you do if you had a rowdy passenger?"
> "I'd put him off at the next stop," he says.
> "Good. And what would you do if you couldn't get the fare?"
> "I'd take the first two weeks in August," he replies.
>
> Two negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make a
> negative - "Aye right."
>
> A Glasgow man - steaming and skint - is walking down Argyle Street when he
> spots a guy tinkering with the engine of his car. "What's up, Jimmy?" he
> asks. "Piston broke," he replies. "Aye, same as masel...".
all good but the glasgow fair is best.
