minimeeze
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Shamelessly copied & pasted from an email received earlier today:
Subject: Does Santa Exist - A Thesis
1. No known species of reindeer can fly, but there are 300,000 species of
living organisms yet to be classified, most of which are insects and germs,
it does not completely rule out the existence of flying reindeer, which
only Santa has seen.
2. There are 2 billion children under the age of 3 in the world, but as
Santa doesn't deal with Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist or Jewish children, this
reduces the workload to around 15% of the total ? about 378 million or so.
At an average of 3.5 children per household, that?s 91.9 million homes,
assuming there is at least one good child in each.
3. Santa has, thanks to time zones and the rotation of the earth, 31 hours
on Christmas day to work with so long as he travels east to west. This
works out to 822.6 visits per second.
4. This is to say that Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park up, hop out
of the sleigh, down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute other gifts
under the tree. Then he has to eat a mince pie and drink a glass of sherry,
get back up the chimney, get into the sleigh and get to the next house.
5. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million homes are distributed evenly,
for the sake of averages, we are talking around .78 miles per house, a
total trip of 75.5 million miles not including bathroom stops.
6. This means that Santa?s sleigh is travelling at 650 miles per second,
3000 times the speed of sound. For comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle
? the Ulysses space probe moves at only 27.4 miles per second and the
average reindeer can only run at 15 mph.
7. The sleighs payload is another element. Assuming that each child get
nothing more than a medium size lego-set (2lbs), the sleigh is carrying
321,300 tons, plus Santa, who is always described as over-weight.
8. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300lbs. Even if
'flying reindeer' (see point one), can pull TEN TIMES the usual amount,
Santa could not do the job with 8 or 9 ruminants. No, we would need 214,000
of them. This would make the whole thing weigh 353,400 tons, four times the
weight of the QE2 and considerably more than your average house roof could
take.
9. A mass of 353,400 tons travelling at 650 miles per second causes
enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer in the same manner as
an aircraft entering the earths atmosphere. The lead pair will absorb 14.3
quintillion joules of energy, per second. Each.
10. In short they will burst into flames, causing a deafening sonic boom
and exposing the next pair to the same forces. Within 4.16 thousands of a
second the whole team will have been vapourised.
11. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 the
force of gravity. If he weighs around 300lbs, he would be pinned to the
back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 lbs of force, which is 2,157.50 tons.
12. In conclusion, if there was ever a Santa, he's dead now.
Merry Christmas.
Subject: Does Santa Exist - A Thesis
1. No known species of reindeer can fly, but there are 300,000 species of
living organisms yet to be classified, most of which are insects and germs,
it does not completely rule out the existence of flying reindeer, which
only Santa has seen.
2. There are 2 billion children under the age of 3 in the world, but as
Santa doesn't deal with Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist or Jewish children, this
reduces the workload to around 15% of the total ? about 378 million or so.
At an average of 3.5 children per household, that?s 91.9 million homes,
assuming there is at least one good child in each.
3. Santa has, thanks to time zones and the rotation of the earth, 31 hours
on Christmas day to work with so long as he travels east to west. This
works out to 822.6 visits per second.
4. This is to say that Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park up, hop out
of the sleigh, down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute other gifts
under the tree. Then he has to eat a mince pie and drink a glass of sherry,
get back up the chimney, get into the sleigh and get to the next house.
5. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million homes are distributed evenly,
for the sake of averages, we are talking around .78 miles per house, a
total trip of 75.5 million miles not including bathroom stops.
6. This means that Santa?s sleigh is travelling at 650 miles per second,
3000 times the speed of sound. For comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle
? the Ulysses space probe moves at only 27.4 miles per second and the
average reindeer can only run at 15 mph.
7. The sleighs payload is another element. Assuming that each child get
nothing more than a medium size lego-set (2lbs), the sleigh is carrying
321,300 tons, plus Santa, who is always described as over-weight.
8. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300lbs. Even if
'flying reindeer' (see point one), can pull TEN TIMES the usual amount,
Santa could not do the job with 8 or 9 ruminants. No, we would need 214,000
of them. This would make the whole thing weigh 353,400 tons, four times the
weight of the QE2 and considerably more than your average house roof could
take.
9. A mass of 353,400 tons travelling at 650 miles per second causes
enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer in the same manner as
an aircraft entering the earths atmosphere. The lead pair will absorb 14.3
quintillion joules of energy, per second. Each.
10. In short they will burst into flames, causing a deafening sonic boom
and exposing the next pair to the same forces. Within 4.16 thousands of a
second the whole team will have been vapourised.
11. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 the
force of gravity. If he weighs around 300lbs, he would be pinned to the
back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 lbs of force, which is 2,157.50 tons.
12. In conclusion, if there was ever a Santa, he's dead now.
Merry Christmas.
This made me chuckle....
theres at least another 16 days left in this, 'till all you naughties and non believers end up with coal :razz: and we goodies end up with our L series glass new bodies etc etc 
Made me laugh loads 
