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- 18,976
- Name
- Matt Sayle
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A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to an old woman in the corner and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, £100 an ounce!"
Another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, £150 an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, looks both beautiful women in the eye, turns and squeezes out a fart......"Broccoli - 49 pence a pound!"
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3 blokes go camping in their new tent.
After a night's sleep, the guy sleeping on the left in the tent wakes up in a cold sweat and tells the others "I had the most horrible nightmare that somebody was trying to pull my d*ck off!"
The guy sleeping on the right says "Weird! I had the exact same dream!"
The guy sleeping in the middle says "I had a dream that I was skiing ..."
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A woman has been in a coma for 12 months, showing no signs of recovery.
One day, whilst giving her a bed bath, the nurse notices that there is a flicker on the monitor when they are cleaning her vagina.
The doctors send for her husband and tactfully explain the situation suggesting that he tries oral sex to see if it gets a bigger response. So the medical staff draw the curtains to give him some privacy and await developments.
After about five minutes all the monitors suddenly go berserk and they rush in to find the woman stone dead.
"What happened?" demands a doctor...
"Dunno, reckon she mighta choked" comes the reply...
Another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, £150 an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, looks both beautiful women in the eye, turns and squeezes out a fart......"Broccoli - 49 pence a pound!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
3 blokes go camping in their new tent.
After a night's sleep, the guy sleeping on the left in the tent wakes up in a cold sweat and tells the others "I had the most horrible nightmare that somebody was trying to pull my d*ck off!"
The guy sleeping on the right says "Weird! I had the exact same dream!"
The guy sleeping in the middle says "I had a dream that I was skiing ..."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman has been in a coma for 12 months, showing no signs of recovery.
One day, whilst giving her a bed bath, the nurse notices that there is a flicker on the monitor when they are cleaning her vagina.
The doctors send for her husband and tactfully explain the situation suggesting that he tries oral sex to see if it gets a bigger response. So the medical staff draw the curtains to give him some privacy and await developments.
After about five minutes all the monitors suddenly go berserk and they rush in to find the woman stone dead.
"What happened?" demands a doctor...
"Dunno, reckon she mighta choked" comes the reply...
