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- 18,976
- Name
- Matt Sayle
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I feel that i was unjustly sacked from my job yesterday.
My boss felt that having sex with the clients wasn't "appropriate" so he fired me.
That's the last time I work for an undertaker.
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A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
'You know what?' says the 7 year old, 'I think it's bloody well time we started swearing.'
The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
'When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?'
'Ok' the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what
He wants for breakfast.
'Oh, s**t mum, I guess I'll have some Coco Pops'
WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.
She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, 'And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?
'I don't know,' he blubbers, 'but it won't be f*king Coco Pops!'
___________________________________________________________________
A duck walks into a bar and says "Got any bread?"
"No" said the barman, "we dont sell bread"
"Got any bread" said the duck
"No, we dont sell it" said the barman
"Got any bread then?" the duck asked again
"Right, we dont sell bread, if you ask me again il nail your beak to the bar" The barman screamed losing his temper.
"Got any nails?" the duck asked
"NO,for gods sake....." replied the barman with his fists clenched
"Got any bread then"
___________________________________________________________________
I'm having some problems with my new Staffordshire Bull Terrier- I rang the vet for some advice. I explained he was brown, stupid, aggressive and liable to attack anyone for no good reason.
The vet replied " Muzzle 'im? "
No, I said- I think he's an atheist.
___________________________________________________________________
I always used to dread going to family weddings because all the old biddies there would come up to me, poke me in the side and say "You'll be next".
The interfering b***hes soon stopped when I started doing the same to them at funerals.
___________________________________________________________________
What has 4 legs and one arm?
A happy pit bull.
My boss felt that having sex with the clients wasn't "appropriate" so he fired me.
That's the last time I work for an undertaker.
___________________________________________________________________
A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
'You know what?' says the 7 year old, 'I think it's bloody well time we started swearing.'
The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
'When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?'
'Ok' the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what
He wants for breakfast.
'Oh, s**t mum, I guess I'll have some Coco Pops'
WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.
She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, 'And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?
'I don't know,' he blubbers, 'but it won't be f*king Coco Pops!'
___________________________________________________________________
A duck walks into a bar and says "Got any bread?"
"No" said the barman, "we dont sell bread"
"Got any bread" said the duck
"No, we dont sell it" said the barman
"Got any bread then?" the duck asked again
"Right, we dont sell bread, if you ask me again il nail your beak to the bar" The barman screamed losing his temper.
"Got any nails?" the duck asked
"NO,for gods sake....." replied the barman with his fists clenched
"Got any bread then"
___________________________________________________________________
I'm having some problems with my new Staffordshire Bull Terrier- I rang the vet for some advice. I explained he was brown, stupid, aggressive and liable to attack anyone for no good reason.
The vet replied " Muzzle 'im? "
No, I said- I think he's an atheist.
___________________________________________________________________
I always used to dread going to family weddings because all the old biddies there would come up to me, poke me in the side and say "You'll be next".
The interfering b***hes soon stopped when I started doing the same to them at funerals.
___________________________________________________________________
What has 4 legs and one arm?
A happy pit bull.
